Anyone who says to me that hundreds of years ago women miscarried and never knew it is well... rediculous. They knew it, they just didn't have a pee stick to prove it.
Post-pregnancy hormonal changes, although nothing compared to that of a longer pregnancy or fullterm delivery are still much much different than normal PMS. Atleast for me.
The past 3 weeks have been one crazy roller coaster and I have to say that today, amidst the cramps and everything else...I'm so thankful to be heading back into my regular cycle and not feeling so irritable and angry all th time.
Which brings me to this post. I have been extremely irritable (to put it nicely) for weeks. weeks. My poor husband can hardly look at me without me making a horribly rude or snide remark.
Last Wednesday I mentioned to you that God was really talking to me about loving people, all the way, for real, which during extreme irritability is really hard for me. And now, post extreme irritability, this is hard to write. Because I'm not angry, so I'm having a hard time remembering what I was even angry about. What I do know is that none of this anger was righteous, holy, Godly... nope... just dumb stupid angry.
What wasn't helping was that I had been really withdrawing myself from people, life, and even God during the past few weeks. I didn't want to anything to do with most people, I just wanted to be regular and I knew that I wasn't, so I hid myself so I could pretend. But the worst part was that I had even stopped spending time with God, and was starting to ignore talking to him aswell... which doesn't help a girl who needs to control her anger.
So, When I pictured God's love, I realized that he loves me still - even when I act like this. He misses me still - even when I act like this. He wants me still - even when I act like this.
I started a word study of the word Love in the Bible. It is helpful to have something to study because when I feel like this my brain has a hard time concentrating and thinking deeply. The first night, the verse I read was the exact same verse PC had preached on on Wednesday night at youth. I know that that was no coincidence!
The second study I did was from Exodus 15:13 "By your unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed. In your strength you will guide them to your holy dwelling."
This is so what I needed. By His unfailing love, HE will lead me to himself. That is exactly what I needed right then. In my own strength I couldn't do it, but by his love he will lead me. It was so liberating, so freeing.
Not to say that I haven't still been fighting my attitude and my irritibility, but talking to God, listening for his voice, heeding his warnings (and keeping my mouth shut) has helped immensely!
I know he's not anywhere near done with me, but I'm thankful that I can see this phase coming to an end.
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