Help me find it

Wasting time on facebook tonight, a friend had posted this song.

It is by Sidewalk Prophets, and not one I had heard before, but it fits exactly how we feel right now.

I can't remember who I have told what to, so if I'm repeating myself I will edit it later.  Our final test results for the last blood test we needed done to check for an immun...  uh, there are words I don't know or understand about to be said - immuno - something...  Essentially, here's the down-low:

In January of 2007 we had a giant gammot of blood tests done to determine potential causes for our recurrent miscarriages.  They checked for things like Lupus, MTHFR, and some other things...  Something to the effect of, if your immune system attacks the baby it causes tiny blood clots in the placenta and the baby cannot get the oxygen and nutrients it needs and dies, and then you miscarry.  Well, back in 2007 they didn't know as much as they know now, so there is another test in that protocol that I hadn't had done.  The Beta 2 Glycoproteins test.  I had another test done (and I can't remember what it was called either) - because in 2007 my results tested "intermediate" which really doesn't mean anything, and would not be a cause of miscarriage but they retested it anyway.

Because the things they tested this time had a treatment, if I tested positive for either of them my miscarriage risk would drop to 15 -20 % (normal for most women) if I were to get pregnant and follow the treatment protocol.

However, I tested in the normal range for both of these.  Which is good, I'm glad I don't have anything wrong with me, but it still leaves us looking for answers.  It also leaves us with a miscarriage risk of 30-50% because of our history.

So, now we are at a crossroads with big decisions to make.  And to be honest, for the first time in months my husband and I are on the same page.

We both agree, we're on the "wait and see" page.  We don't know what to do.  So for now, we wait for what God might show us.  Praying for big answers in the next few months - the kind with giant flashing signs that say "THIS IS WHAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO!"

This song says exactly what I'm thinking and feeling tonight.  Thank you so much for all of your prayers on this journey, we really do appreciate all of them!

What the future holds....

There has been so much rolling around in my brain these last few weeks about the future and what it holds for our family.

I have ideas spinning like you would not believe and I am sure it is only a matter of time before they are available for all the world to see!

On the miscarriage front -

We have an appointment this Friday to meet with the Genetic Counselor, a MFM, and a MFM/Geneticist.  I am excited and nervous about this appointment.  I'm sure there will be more genetic tests for us to undergo and hopefully there will be answers.  However, I am trying not to get my hopes up as from what I've read 60% of miscarriages remain unexplained even after genetic testing.

My heart is still healing from Isaiah's loss.  Moving on is much harder this time and I've had to be careful to guard my heart against things that might cause me more grief.  It is frustrating to feel limited, but I have been instead pouring myself into some ideas I have and looking forward to the vast realm of possibilities that God could have laid out for us.

There is so much inside of me I just might burst!  And every day brings us one step closer.

Acronyms and MFM

In the years since I joined the vast blogging world, mostly reading, sometimes typing - my repertoire of acronyms has greatly increased.

I now know LOTS of acronyms for words people just don't want to type over and over again.  It's like being on Facebook when someone rights SMH and you think "what?!"

It's "Shakes My Head" - I know because I googled it.

In the TTC (trying to conceive) world, you'll see acronyms you never knew existed from CM - cervical mucous to RE - Reproductive Endocrinologist.  Everyone who's TTC sees an RE - or so it seems.

But when I mentioned the idea of seeing an RE to my MW (midwife) she instead suggested I see someone in Maternal Fetal Medicine - and what did I find out - there's and acronym for that too!  MFM

She thinks I should see an MFM because my issue isn't TTC as much as it is RPL (recurrent pregnancy loss)

So - I am on the hunt for an MFM, one that is awesome, and my insurance covers.  Good luck to me - because according to the provider network search on their website - this does not exist.

So, tomorrow I call the insurance just to verify that they do not cover MFM's and that I do, indeed, need my midwife's office to fill out an Out Of Network Provider Referral form.  And then call my MW office to request they fill out those forms for me...

I hate being a pain in the tush.