Perils of social media...

Today I got to spend some good times with some good friends.  I love when that happens.  As my friend and I chatted we remarked on just how difficult it is to have good friends.  Why is that?

A few months ago, in a desperate effort to build deeper relationships I sent this woman a facebook message asking if she wanted to be my friend.  It seriously felt wierd asking someone to be my friend, but then we actively began pursuing building a friendship.  We met for breakfast one Saturday a month becuase we are both busy moms and that's really all we could handle.  It took awhile but we kind of forced a friendship on ourselves.  We both needed it.

Turns out, we aren't the only ones feeling like we just don't have deep relationships like we used to.  As we wondered outloud about this afternoon we bounced around ideas.  We could cast the blame on busyness, or other people, or whatever - but I think one idea stood out more than others.

It was just a few years ago that we didn't all have Facebook.  When you saw a friend you'd have things to talk about because it hadn't already been seen on social media.  You'd have pictures to show, or stories to tell.  It feels like we have a lot of people we know, a little.  I have 547 friends on Facebook.  That's 547 people who already know most of what there is to know about me.  The only thing left to share is the deep down stuff.  But if I can't build a relationship by talking about the shallow things, I'll have a hard time opening up the deep things.

Another problem is that before we even get a chance to meet someone or hang out with them, or even if we've just met once or twice - we check out their Facebook page and determine who they are.  We go and "stalk" them, scouring their page of the last 2 years to see what they like or do.  We make judgements of whether or not we'd make good friends based on what they've put on the internet, and at the same time take away great opportunities for them to share about themselves and help us build those deeper relationships.  One of my dearest friends and I have very few things in common.  If you judged the two of us based on our Facebook pages you would find very little that matched in the way of interests and hobbies.  Other than being moms that love Jesus, we're very different, but we love each other deeply.  We encourage each other and lift one another up.  Facebook might not have matched us, but years of spending time together did.

Facebook isn't terrible.  It isn't bad.  It was created to connect people, not keep them from connecting.  But I wonder if sharing everything, all the time is hurting our connections more than helping them.

We kind of know a lot of people, but who do we really know?

Thoughts?

Life, Updates, Steps Forward

I left the social media world on Sunday evening.  I said my internal goodbye's and prepared myself for 3 days without Facebook.

You're laughing.

I know.  I know.  I know exactly how it sounds.  A stay-at-home mom, addicted to Facebook, and blogs, and Instagram... and everything else that keeps her connected to the rest of the world.  It's almost cliche. Well, it is a little true.  Our church entered 3 days of prayer and fasting, and my husband asked me to give up social media.

It was difficult that first day, and the second... and the third...  I even dreamed about accidentally getting on Facebook on my phone.  I would check my email and have to not absentmindedly click on Facebook.  I know the truths about it all - I know that it's easy to get sucked in to.  How one article shared just starts you on a vicious cycle clinging to news stories.  Yes, I get my news from Facebook.

Anyway - it really is all besides the point.  These 3 days were liberating, and the conversation I missed in the van on the way home because I was finally able to peruse Facebook, was dissappointing.  I need to be more aware of my surroundings, less caring of the goings on in other people's lives, focusing on the happenings around me and my family.  These littles are growing up way to fast.

One of our youth students preached an absolutely astounding - phenmonenal out of this world message tonight.  She really opened herself up to be vulnerable and let the Holy Spirit use her.  Wow.
Sunday morning, our Pastor preached an amazing message.  My heart began a much needed healing and my spirit a much needed awakening.

God is doing an incredible thing.  He is moving in incredible ways.  I can't wait to see how this story unfolds.

Monday morning I settled in with my lovelies to spend the morning with them, and take some time with Jesus.  Monday afternoon we received in the mail an amazing part of adoption news.  I mean it was so exciting, it was like Christmas.  For Christmas we got our LOA, for January we got our I-800 provisional approval!  (It's okay that you don't know what that means!)  This is a HUGE piece of our puzzle!!  We our now waiting on our NVC letter so we can file our DS-260!  Still confusing words... but our time is drawing near!! Those dates of March or April??  That's for real.  We'll be going to China in March or April of this year to bring home our son. It doesn't even seem real, yet it does seem so real...

I have been nesting up a storm!  Cleaning out stuff we don't need, trying to rearrange.  Seriously.  You didn't think you could nest if you weren't physically pregnant?  Oh, you can.  It's the strangest thing.

Monday night as we were headed to bed I checked my email quickly and hidden between unnecessary advertisements was our Update.  We have been waiting since November to receive our update on our little boy.  In our update we were gifted with a video!!  And we watch it over and over and over again.  We cannot wait to bring him home!!

So, we have been on cloud nine since Monday.  It's like floating on surreal air, and we're only going to float some more!

With getting closer to leaving though, we know we are getting closer to needing more money!  We know that God is going to provide, but how - he is mysterious.

Last week I was worried about our finances.  We had been running into one road block after another, and I was overwhelmed with how we would ever have enough to bring home our baby.  I recieved a check in the mail from a medical bill I had overpaid and I felt like it was God confirming, that he has it all taken care of.  The next day I recieved another check, this one mine returned to me becuase I had already paid that bill.  Another reminder that he is watching over us.  Neither of the checks were for more than a few dollars, but it brought me the peace I needed to continue to trust in his faithfulness.

We are so excited about the next few weeks.  We have so much to continue doing but we are so very very excited!  Thank you all for praying for us and believing with us.  And for all who have donated, your generosity is blowing us away.  Our hearts are just overwhelmed with all that you are doing for us.  Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

Facebook Frustrations

It has been awhile since I've had a chance to sit down and write!  Life has been so busy, and honestly - enjoyable - that sitting down to write about it means I will probably miss something.  And when it comes to these growing girls, I don't want to miss a thing!

Our adoption plans have been put on a temporary hold.  We had a bit of a hiccup that I can explain in further detail another time.  At any rate, as we learned from the beginning, we have to trust God in all things - and we're learning to trust him here too.  If you wouldn't mind praying for us that we would be pursuing God's plan for our family in all things.

I was thinking this morning about Facebook.  That website that occupies so much of our precious time - the one I love and loathe at the same time.

I love the social aspect; the feeling that I can connect with dear friends that live far away, ask questions of like-minded moms (and offer opinions too), discuss childbirth and doula care, meet & cheer on women going through the trenches of infertility and miscarriage (these women have become very dear friends of mind as well), and stay up-to-date on the goings-on in the world.  I fear that if it weren't for Facebook I would be woefully uninformed about important and some rather unimportant things.

But then there is the part I loathe about Facebook.  Gossip, drama, time-suck, and that other thing - the part about my kids.  Whether I'm writing about the good they did, the bad they did, or the CrAzY - I'm writing, rather publicly, about my kids - not me.

This hit me - rather poignantly - about two years ago.  My oldest daughter was three and full of curiosity and energy.  I don't know what I posted, probably something about the CrAzY - because there is a lot of crazy in this house.  I probably wrote it to get it off my chest, or to relay the funny story to a friend - but as soon as I wrote it, I forgot about it.  It was later that evening, that I ran into a Facebook friend who asked my daughter about the incident.  My three year old looked at her, totally confused, as if to say "How do you know about that?"  

And that's when it hit me:
When I write something on Facebook, I'm not just writing it to a friend - or a few friends.  I'm writing it to over 400 people, many whom I don't know well, most who don't know my children at all.  I don't want my kids to feel confused as to how people found out about their good, bad, or crazy.

I wish that two years ago, when I first realized that damage Facebook could do to my children, I would have followed my own instinct and quit posting about my kids.  Instead of writing the funny things they say on Facebook, I should rather take that time and write them in a book.  I have journals for both of my girls - but rarely write in them.

Someday these stories are going to make me laugh, if they haven't already, and I'm going to want to read about them.  My guess is, my kids will want to read about them too.  29+ "like" 's are nice for today, but in a few weeks I'll forget what she said and Facebook doesn't transpose so well.  I've tried.

So today after my one of my daughters makes me want to pull my hair out, or 'LOL', or 'smh' - I'm going to try and write it down, not for the world to see - but for her to see - when she's older, when it will make her laugh out loud, or shake her own head. 

**I also want to clarify that because I don't write about my parenting fails, my children's mistakes, or all the negative stuff that can happen in life - it doesn't mean it doesn't happen here too.  We're human too.  But when I run into 'friends' I want them to see my kids for who they are, not how I portrayed them on Facebook.**    

Training days...

The song above is Oceans by Hillsong United.

I can't help but feel like this is where we are right now, where we have been so many times before.  I wish I could say that I have answers right now, but I don't.  Aaron and I both had our blood drawn a little over two weeks ago and we're playing the waiting game with the lab.

I'm not a good wait-er.

So far, we know one thing.  We will adopt.  The logistics haven't been figured out though.

I want to add before I go on that I read an awesome article today about adoption.  So to clear up any misunderstandings, we are choosing to adopt because we want to adopt!  This isn't our last resort, this isn't a "have to" decision.  We always knew that we would adopt, even before we started having children, we just didn't know when, where, or how.  Now we know, this is the time.  The where and how are still coming together.

At this - the first stage - we are still making a lot of decisions.  We have a lot of adoption options ahead of us and we are praying for guidance.

Would you please pray with us?  We need lots of guidance!  There are so many decisions to make and we know that we will be taking those first steps soon.

I'm learning to trust, more and more, throughout this process.  It seems that lately we only know the next step and at many times we don't entirely know what the next step looks like - we just know we have to take it.

I was reading in Jeremiah yesterday and this verse really spoke to me:

Jeremiah 12:5 

"If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses?  If you stumble in safe country, how will you manage in the thickets by the Jordan?"

It just reminded me that all of this, all we've been through up to this point - everything - it's training us.  Someday our lives will be even more confusing.  There may be a point when we are making even more decisions and having to rely even more on God for direction.  This point in our lives is not the end, there is more.  This is training.

When I look ahead and think "There's MORE?!" I feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and even a little defeated.  But when I look back and see what God has brought us through, how we have grown, changed, developed - I'm encouraged.  He's growing me!  This is hard, but He is growing me - and I'll be better equipped to handle more and different!

We are also beginning to raise funds for our adoption.  We are hosting our first Kellett Family Adoption Garage Sale on October 12!  If you have any items you would like to donate (and you know us personally)  or would just like to shop and support our adoption we would love to have you come by!

You can email me for details or follow me on facebook for details.  (Again, if you know us personally)

Pretending you're pregnant isn't cute.

I found this link through another blog I read.

I have to say - yes, exactly how I felt when I got 4 facebook messages about this years facebook breast cancer awareness. 

I didn't choose to post her status as mine, my husband and I agreed it might not come across well.  But - she's right, lets raise awareness about something awareness needs to be raised about, like infertility and miscarriage. 

Anyway, you can read the article here.  I did not write this article and it does have some language not appropriate for well..anyone.  But its still a good point.