An Attainable Goal

It was Christmas Eve this year and I found myself in a quandary.  I was questioning my decision to post a picture of my three beautiful children dressed in matching pajamas on to Facebook.  Just three weeks earlier I had spoken to a room of a 100 women about family traditions and out of the whole thing all I could remember was that I had essentially said - we don't have an Elf of the Shelf.  We don't talk about Santa and we don't wear matching PJ's on Christmas Eve.  Honestly, that generally had been true, up until that point.

Just because it is so cute, you need to see if for yourself.

Within a week of the Ladies Brunch we had an Elf on the Shelf (courtesy of "Santa" - you know, the one we don't talk about).  And here we were on Christmas Eve and I was lining up my little munchkins in front of my Mom's Christmas tree dressed in identical pajamas (honestly, it was a fantastic sale and a strike of luck that they had my kids' sizes... luck, or a little bit of humility from the Lord?)  To make matters worse on the "I'm a complete hypocrite scale," I knew that by morning my three year old would be convinced that Santa was in fact real; because I had carefully selected and wrapped a brand new soccer ball to be placed under the tree - the only thing she wanted for Christmas from Santa.  

I was really feeling low.  It was about the middle of the Christmas Eve movie that my kids were exhausted and ready for bed.  But I really really wanted to watch Elf (because you know... selfish.)  There was whining, complaining, lots and lots of wriggling.  It wasn't much fun.  It was kind of ruining the movie.  So we tried to put the kids to bed, but they weren't falling asleep fast enough.  

Somewhere in there I said something ridiculous.  It might have sounded something like "Christmas is never about moms.  Christmas is always about the kids."  

A far cry from my line three weeks prior, "Christmas is always about Jesus."  

Let's be honest.  I wasn't in a good place.  Somehow all of it - the hub bub, the holly jolly, the Santa - It had sucked me in.  My contentedness had been stripped and replaced by a mystical idea that Christmas should be all about me and since I knew it wouldn't be I was mad about it.

How did this happen?

I'm not really sure how it happened.  I'm not even exactly sure what happened.  

But I found myself crying, wondering if I had ruined my kids' lives, or at the very least their Christmas (of which, I did neither, they're okay - thankfully).  

Here we are two days left in this year, and I'm still wondering what went wrong last week.  I'm trying to make plans and goals - wondering what God's vision is for our lives in this coming year, and I keep coming back to this lesson learned.  

No matter the day, the week, the month, the season - something will always be vying to strip my attention from the King of all Kings.  No matter how grounded I thought I was - there is still an enemy out there seeking to destroy my soul, my day, my week - my Christmas.  

Christmas is a beautiful holiday.  A celebration of the birth of the Savior who brought salvation to all the world.  That when the world harbors evil all around we can have joy and peace within because of his great sacrifice.  

~My goal is to seek the Lord.~

Psalm 27:8 "My hearts says of you, "Seek his face!" Your face, Lord, I will seek.

This week has been profound for my heart.  I haven't sought the Lord like I wish I would have.  But God has still been speaking to me, etching his words onto my heart.  Reminding me of who he his, and who I can be - no, who I am - in him.  

This year, when all the pressures and stresses overwhelm you - take it down to this simple truth.  

Seek the Lord.  

Be blessed my friends,

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!  

Brie

Finish Strong

It's time for the traditional blogger New Year post!  And in true "Brie" fashion, I am only 6 days late!

Last year at the new year we were really confused.  We had excitedly started the adoption process and then thrown a curveball with an unexpected pregnancy that ended quickly in our 8th miscarriage.  We spent the holidays trying to decide what to do when January came, and when that happened - we were no closer to knowing what to do.  My husband entered 21 days of prayer and fasting, and by the end, we were still without a solid "answer".  So with trepidation, and knowing God would lead our steps, we decided to return to the domestic adoption process, and as quickly as we tried to restart, God closed the door.  It was exactly what we needed, an answer.

In early March we submitted our application to begin adopting from China, by June we had completed all the initial paperwork and classes and were starting our homestudy.  Our summer was crazy, but by August we had completed our homestudy and were working on our dossier.  It was the middle of September when an email of special focus children brought our son to our eyes and he stole our hearts.  We were matched, sent our LOI and had our dossier to China by the end of October, and then we waited.

I had prayed so desperately that we would recieve our LOA for Christmas, but I knew 2-4 mo from DTC (Dossier to China) was Dec 31.  And on December 29 while trying to get Z out of the trunk of the van, my phone rang our LOA had arrived! There it was, our Christmas gift!

Now here we are, January of a new year, so different from last January.  We can see the finish line, but we haven't reached it yet.  It reminds me of running with my good friends Susan and Leisha.  At the end of every run when I can see where we finish I usually sprint to the end and proudly exclaim "I won!" (Which is a matter of joking between us because they usually have slowed their pace significantly for me to be able to run with them).  But it is how I finish every race I run, with a sprint because inside I want to be like "oh okay, we made it to the end, I'm done now."  But I haven't actually made it to the end.  Sort of like the tortoise and the hare, start out strong and piddle out in the end.

Here we are, sprinting to bring home Doron, only this race - we can't piddle out on.  This race we have to finish because our son lays in the balance.

I'm praying that this sets a presedence for me this year.  I want to finish the goals and tasks I set before myself.  Ambition gets you started but its dedication and perseverance that help you finish and finish strong.

May this be a year of beautiful beginnings and well run races for you as well!

Hebrews 12:1-2New International Version (NIV)

12 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

 

Resolution Update

Last week I first wrote about my New Year's Resolution to parent better.  Which means to be more intentional in my parenting, training my daughter to seek God through teaching and watching. 

So how did we do this week? 

Well, Not perfect.  However, we did a "little girl" devotional this week, memorized a bible verse, and watched fewer movies.  So I'd say we're off to a good start. 

Pretty far from where I'd like to be, doing a devotional once a day, working on our memory verse once a day (atleast), and having her see my spend time with God on my own.  Usually I do my own personal devotional time at night, although, I'm noticing that if I take the time to spend with God during my morning I get alot more out of it... because by 9:30..10...sometimes 11 pm God gets the tired brain cells that have a hard time even reading, let alone processing. 

So that's my little update.  We're working on things and in time - we'll get it down.

I am looking forward to the change in Amariss as she is becoming more aware of God and others around her. 

This morning on the way to church she declared "I wanted to be a real princess!"  And I said "Honey, you are a real princess!  If you believe that Jesus died for your sins and became alive again you are his daughter!  And he is the King bigger than every other king!"  To which she replied "like me!  I believe that!  - God's light is shining in my eyes."  (as we headed towards the sun). 

I love having a 4 yr old, their minds are always moving and they have the words to talk about it!

and to think... I wasn't going to have one!

It was New Year's Eve of this year and we all sat around the table at my parents' house.  My dad, jokingly, posed the question "What's everyone's New Year's Resolution going to be?"  and followed it up with a light chuckle... if you know my dad, you'll know what I mean.

Quick with my come-back (which almost never happens) I replied "I'm resolving to have a baby this year!"  ....  because you know, I'm pregnant.  Everyone laughed... and that led to the rest of us talking about how we don't like to make New Year's Resolutions because they rarely get followed through on... and instead we like to just know what we hope to accomplish this year...

However, the next morning was Sunday and we got ourselves ready and went to Mom and Dad's church.  It was such a refreshing service, probably especially to me because in the past 2 months I think I've been in 2 actual church services, between my trip to California, followed by Thanksgiving, followed by preschool class at church, followed by Christmas traveling.... etc. etc. etc....  Things have been crazy, and I've missed worshiping with other believers.

Anyway, the pastor began to preach... and immediately I was convicted.  I think he started with something like this - "If you could ask for one thing what would it be?"  and I knew exactly what I would ask for...  healthy children.  That's literally what I said in my head.  A noble choice, sure...  but my heart knew it wasn't the most godly...  Satan instantly started attacking me with thoughts of "if you were more godly would you have thought up something more spiritual....  if you had been spending the time with God that you should be you would know the right answer to this question...." and so on, and so forth....

So where was the pastor going with this... stick with me... 

Psalm 27, a passage I memorized a few years ago because of its significance in my life, vs 4

One thing I ask of the Lord, this is  what I seek: 

That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,

to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.

And that got me thinking...  

That's what I want...  that's really what I want for my children...

I wanted healthy children, but realistically, God never told us we'd always be healthy on earth, or that life would always be easy....  

What I truly want for my children is that they would dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of their life, that they would gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and seek him in his temple....

That's what I really want for my children.  

And how can I spend this year guiding Am (and her new sister to come) in that way?  

First of all, I want to teach Am to seek God by showing her her parents seeking God.

Secondly, I want to teach Am to seek God by teaching her God's word.  She can't read yet, but she is at an age where she can memorize like its nobody's business.  When I was a kid I had this capability too, and instead of watching her memorize movie lines... (which she inherited from me)....  I want to teach her to memorize scripture.  That the word of God would be hidden in her heart... so that my young little duckling would know the word of God because she often times repeats it to herself when she needs it!!

Thirdly, I want to teach Am to seek God by teaching her how to learn from God's word.  So that all those verses she hides away in her heart wouldn't just be spoken words, but that they would be practical and applicable to her life.  That when she grows up she doesn't boast about how much scripture she knows for awards or "cool" factor among her church friends, but she would be thankful for the scripture she knows because it carried her through her toughest times. 

Fourth, I want to teach my daughter to pray.  Lets just be honest... this cute little girl doesn't like to pray.  I have to admit I feel super guilty whenever my friends tell me stories about their munchkins praying before bed, before dinner, or whenever...  This one... not so much.  However, every once in awhile... (great once in awhile) she'll tell us its her turn to pray... and then I know... she's listening, she's watching, and someday she'll bust out in prayer.  In the meantime, my husband and I will continue to model prayer in everything we do whether before bed, before meals, when someone is hurt, when we can't find what we need...  wherever we are being constant communication with God.  

And Finally, We want to teach our daughter to seek God through fasting.  Lets be real candid.  My husband and I are not super good at fasting...  as in, it doesn't happen very often.  More for my husband than for me.  And this area of fasting can be tricky as its not something you want to do publicly and pridefully.  However, how can we teach our young daughter to seek God while leaving out this important principal of fasting?  More so, how can we become better at fasting so that we are even in any way able to model this for our offspring?  Children learn by example... and frankly when it comes to fasting, my example sucks.  How can I present a better model of fasting... especially while pregnant?  I don't actually know.  but I'm going to pray about it, seek the Father's face on this issue...  and see what he tells me.  

 So, in essence, I do have a New Year's Resolution.  

I am resolving to parent better.  To be a mother who teaches my children to seek God, while I myself continue to learn to seek God more.  

Amen.