I'd like you to know that this is likely to be the most scattered blog post I've ever written. There, you've been warned - read on at your own risk. (and for my grammar friends, please ignore my incorrect usage of commas... and other major errors. For some reason I never could grasp the whole comma thing)
It is rare that I get coffee, even more rare that I get one at 9pm, so this is likely to only exacerbate the problem of scatterdness.
I often joke, or possibly try to joke, that I don't have much emotion, but infact I think the truth is that I have more emotion than I know how to handle, so I hold my emotions at arms length. I feel them, inside, but it is hard to let them out. It is hard for me to show people how I am really feeling inside. I hope you don't think I mean that I am fake, I mean that sometimes I can't even understand or put into words all that I am feeling, or that my words seem painfully inadequate, or that I want to have tears and I can't seem to find them in me. I see people with emotion all around me and I feel it, I just have a hard time showing it.
*******
This week has been full of emotions (and it isn't even over yet!) Some of the emotions I can't even describe but it was a difficult week. When we began our adoption process our mind couldn't concieve bringing home a child within 18 months of starting the process. It just wasn't likely. In January after recieving our LOA it became a possibility (ever so slight) that we would be able to travel in March, but most likely in April. Because of circumstances beyond anyone's control - we found out on Tuesday that our trip is now pushed back to May. This news felt like a sucker punch. It fell on an already difficult day that was only matched by the ice storm that ripped through our area. Today we recieved our travel confirmation! The trip is set and scheduled and we will be leaving mid-May to bring home our son! The news hits me with two major emotions at the same time, frustration because it was supposed to be April, and excitement that our trip is confirmed. We're going in May! We are so incredibly excited! But oh how our arms ache to hold our little boy.
********
Early in our adoption process I sat at the table sorting out files and documents and a whole assortment of paperwork. I am not even sure if we had even decided we would adopt from China yet. I remember sitting across from Aaron and looking up and saying "We need an adoption doula." I was so overwhelmed, I didn't even know where to start.
As a Birth Doula one of my roles is to help expectant parents navigate through their pregnancy as well as their labor and delivery. I work prenatally with clients to practice tools for dealing with the pain of labor, I provide resources to help them make educated and informed decisions during pregnancy and labor, and we come up with a birth plan so they can be prepared for their labor and delivery and the questions that often come up. And as a childbirth educator I make sure my clients are educated on what happens during pregnancy, labor, and delivery. I help establish bonds with them so that the birth partner feels included as well. I give the birth partner important tools to help him feel involved in the pregnancy, labor and birth.
I often joke that I relate most things in life to childbirth - and it is so true. I actually saw the face of the laboring woman in the effort it took my husband to put together his basketball hoop. I'm nuts when it comes to childbirth. (Consequently, my husband now views much of life the same way too. I have apparently rubbed off on him. When we were hiking last fall I came out from a crevice between two rocks to have my husband say "that totally looks like a uterus and birth canal - let me take your picture coming out of it!".... I have ruined him for life). *If you are reading this for the first time just getting to know me, please don't think I am strange or that I will talk to you about uterus' or show you pictures of babies being born... I mean, I totally would if we were in class together, but I restrain myself for the general public* - also, I am very tired right now, so my filter is pretty much gone.
Back to my original thought process -
I have been thinking lately about how this adoption process has felt like the longest pregnancy of my life. How our agency has been our doula, the CCCWA our care provider, and China our hospital. While in a pregnancy you can choose your care provider (and in some respects so have we), we took great great care in choosing our doula. We researched, we asked questions, we asked more questions, we hired one and fired one (in a nice way), and we found one we love.
I am so thankful for our agency, they have held our hand and walked us through this process in such an incredible way. Just like in pregnancy, they can't make all of our decisions for us. They can't do all the hard work (although to be honest, they do a lot more hard work for us than a doula can for her childbirth clients...). But they have been our advocate. They have provided resources and information. Help when we needed it. They are amazing.
******
In following with the theme of equating our adoption process to pregnancy, labor and birth...
In pregnancy you are given a due date, and your baby is born somewhere around that due date. You get your hopes up and excited and your due date comes and more often than not, baby doesn't. Moms are frustrated, they're tired, they have these crazy hormones racing through their body as their body prepares to labor and the waiting is just so hard. Your expectations were set. You thought baby was coming.
That's kind of how I feel right now. I knew baby coming early (March) wasn't likely - but I held out a glimmer of hope. I knew baby coming on time (April) was probable - but I kept a corner of my heart protected in case I was wrong. And today we got the official news, baby is coming late (May), very late in my opinion. My heart desperately wanted March or April.
The difference though, and this is what makes it the hardest. When you're pregnant and waiting for baby, you're still holding your baby. My arms are empty while we wait. And that makes me very sad. Each day he is away is one more day that he grows and his face changes, his personality changes, and we're missing it.
I look at Z and I can see how every day she changes a little bit more and what am I missing? I know that he is loved and cared for, but I miss him.
******
A few posts back (which might be awhile since I haven't been able to post much lately) I throughout the question of why we would adopt when we can't afford it.
It was a hard question to ask because I feel like it deserves an answer. A few people responded quite encouragingly to us, reminding us of the call God put on our hearts and our lives to adopt.
And I can't find an answer better than that one. Years ago, before I ever knew that having babies would be difficult for us, my heart was drawn to adoption. Before I ever met Aaron, I wanted it to be apart of my story. When Aaron and I were married we always bounced around the idea of adopting a child or children someday. We didn't even at that time understand what that would look like, or mean, we just knew we wanted to. Amazing how God can use a little "want to".
I feel the answer to the question is as simple as that. We know that God has already provided all that we need to bring home our son. We just haven't seen it yet. When he opened our eyes and our hearts to be willing, he provided.
Why are we adopting when we aren't incredibly wealthy people? Because we want to. Because God called us to. Because our hearts are forever attached to a little boy desperate for a forever family. We are his family. That's the answer.
Will we adopt again? I don't know. It is hard to think of anything past bringing home Doron right now. It is hard for us to have any idea what God has for us, because none of our journey has been what we would have pictured it to be.
My greatest fear is that people will think we chose adoption because having biological children is too difficult for us. No, that's not it. There are days and moments where I might have felt that that was it - that adoption was easier than experiencing loss over and over again - but deep down, that is not the reason we chose to adopt.
We have chosen adoption because this is what God called us to do. This is his heart, and he has made it ours too.
******
I went to see The Dropbox movie tonight. I was gripped throughout the whole film. I felt like I couldn't move, my heart just overwhelmed. In it was a woman that I admire. It took me by surprise really, I didn't know she would be in the movie. Last summer I opened a letter and in it was a picture of this woman holding a little boy, and my heart did a little flip flop. I looked up and a woman in her mid-60's rode past me on a bicycle. And I thought 'who am I going to be when I'm that age?' I was holding in my hand a photo of a woman who has given her life to help the orphans, and saw before me the image of what I thought I wanted for my retired life; to ride my bike through my small town, to worry about my garden, my friends, and my grandchildren. There is nothing wrong with that idea, but what I really want is to be making a difference in the lives of children who have no one else.
God has given me such a gift with Amariss, Zemirah, and Doron. I cannnot imagine not sharing the love he has given with so many more children.
*****
If you stuck through this post until the end, wow, you amaze me. I wanted to split it up into more than one post, but I am fairly certain (based on my track record) it's going to be awhile before I can put another post together. Maybe I'll surprise myself, but I haven't been very consistent.
As you can see I have a lot of emotion running through me right now. And so much more that I just can't share right now.
Thank you for praying for our family, for being a part of our journey.
God bless,
Brie
2.18.2015
How much longer?
It hasn't been a month since my last posting but it feels like it! So much has happened in the last few weeks and here we are mid-february and thinking about when we might get to go meet and bring home our little boy!
Is this really happening?? Less than a year ago we actually started the adoption process from China; at that point our time frame was 18 months at the earliest! 11 months later and we have our visas and know we will be going to China this spring. The question still remains which month we will be leaving in, but we are preparing our hearts and our home to bring in another little one.
Currently we are waiting for our Article 5 to be issued. It would normally be expected this week, but with Chinese New Year we may have to wait an extra week. Once our Article 5 has been issued we will recieve our Travel Approval (TA) and then tickets are booked and the trip is planned!
I get overwhelmed wrapping my head around all that the next few months holds for us. Time is flying over here and it catches me by surprise constantly! In a city far away, in a home I've never seen, being held by another woman - is my son. I am so grateful for the family that is taking care of him in this time when I can't. I am not sure how I will ever be able to adequately thank them for all that they mean to me. To bring my little one into their hearts for a brief time, to take care of him, and shower him with love - it means so much. So very much.
Is this really happening?? Less than a year ago we actually started the adoption process from China; at that point our time frame was 18 months at the earliest! 11 months later and we have our visas and know we will be going to China this spring. The question still remains which month we will be leaving in, but we are preparing our hearts and our home to bring in another little one.
Currently we are waiting for our Article 5 to be issued. It would normally be expected this week, but with Chinese New Year we may have to wait an extra week. Once our Article 5 has been issued we will recieve our Travel Approval (TA) and then tickets are booked and the trip is planned!
I get overwhelmed wrapping my head around all that the next few months holds for us. Time is flying over here and it catches me by surprise constantly! In a city far away, in a home I've never seen, being held by another woman - is my son. I am so grateful for the family that is taking care of him in this time when I can't. I am not sure how I will ever be able to adequately thank them for all that they mean to me. To bring my little one into their hearts for a brief time, to take care of him, and shower him with love - it means so much. So very much.
1.31.2015
Fundraisers
I find myself in a difficult place these days. I don't like asking for help. I don't like depending on people. I want to help. I want to be depended on, but having the humility to ask for help - this is not something that comes naturally to me.
I was on the phone with a friend this morning and talking about a few key moments in our lives when I wish I would have asked for help. And in hindsight, I know it was legitimate, at the time it felt like failing.
When we put on fundraisers, mail out support letters, and just in general ask for financial support of our adoption, I feel like I'm laying it all out there for the world to see.
I feel like the question is raised "Why are you adopting when you can't afford it?"
I think the question is real and for a lot of reasons, needs to be asked.
In the past few months we have been blown away by the generosity of more than a handful of people. Many who have stretched themselves thin for our son. This generosity has done a number on my heart, and my pride, because I ask myself the hard question above.
While friends ask constantly, "How can I help?" I don't know what to say.
How can you help? My head spins. This is a step above laundry, dishes, a meal...
Yet, so many of you have seen the need and stepped up to meet it, and we stand here overwhelmed.
I write this because tonight one fundraiser ended, and another began. It is because of the generosity of friends, and their desperate desire to raise all that we need that these are occuring. And I am so thankful that when they see a need they are so kind as to take the initiative to try and fill it however they can.
I want to be sure though, that all of those who have graciously donated already, whether through Lifesong, Freezer-Full, Bake Sale, Garage Sale, - whatever it is... I want you to know that your gift has not gone unrecognized. Your gift has not been minimized. Your gift is significant.
I am so excited about the puzzle piece fundraiser and the way it provides illustration of just how many people have come together to take part in bringing our son home. But, it doesn't represent all who have worked to bring him home, and because of that we will have another piece of artwork that holds the names of all others who have donated, regardless of amount.
We know that this adventure, from start through to our lifelong journey takes a village. Every piece of our village is important to us.
If you would like to know more about the Puzzle Fundraiser you can find it on here Facebook.
We love you all so very much!
Aaron & Brie
I was on the phone with a friend this morning and talking about a few key moments in our lives when I wish I would have asked for help. And in hindsight, I know it was legitimate, at the time it felt like failing.
When we put on fundraisers, mail out support letters, and just in general ask for financial support of our adoption, I feel like I'm laying it all out there for the world to see.
I feel like the question is raised "Why are you adopting when you can't afford it?"
I think the question is real and for a lot of reasons, needs to be asked.
In the past few months we have been blown away by the generosity of more than a handful of people. Many who have stretched themselves thin for our son. This generosity has done a number on my heart, and my pride, because I ask myself the hard question above.
While friends ask constantly, "How can I help?" I don't know what to say.
How can you help? My head spins. This is a step above laundry, dishes, a meal...
Yet, so many of you have seen the need and stepped up to meet it, and we stand here overwhelmed.
I write this because tonight one fundraiser ended, and another began. It is because of the generosity of friends, and their desperate desire to raise all that we need that these are occuring. And I am so thankful that when they see a need they are so kind as to take the initiative to try and fill it however they can.
I want to be sure though, that all of those who have graciously donated already, whether through Lifesong, Freezer-Full, Bake Sale, Garage Sale, - whatever it is... I want you to know that your gift has not gone unrecognized. Your gift has not been minimized. Your gift is significant.
I am so excited about the puzzle piece fundraiser and the way it provides illustration of just how many people have come together to take part in bringing our son home. But, it doesn't represent all who have worked to bring him home, and because of that we will have another piece of artwork that holds the names of all others who have donated, regardless of amount.
We know that this adventure, from start through to our lifelong journey takes a village. Every piece of our village is important to us.
If you would like to know more about the Puzzle Fundraiser you can find it on here Facebook.
We love you all so very much!
Aaron & Brie
1.28.2015
Life, Updates, Steps Forward
I left the social media world on Sunday evening. I said my internal goodbye's and prepared myself for 3 days without Facebook.
You're laughing.
I know. I know. I know exactly how it sounds. A stay-at-home mom, addicted to Facebook, and blogs, and Instagram... and everything else that keeps her connected to the rest of the world. It's almost cliche. Well, it is a little true. Our church entered 3 days of prayer and fasting, and my husband asked me to give up social media.
It was difficult that first day, and the second... and the third... I even dreamed about accidentally getting on Facebook on my phone. I would check my email and have to not absentmindedly click on Facebook. I know the truths about it all - I know that it's easy to get sucked in to. How one article shared just starts you on a vicious cycle clinging to news stories. Yes, I get my news from Facebook.
Anyway - it really is all besides the point. These 3 days were liberating, and the conversation I missed in the van on the way home because I was finally able to peruse Facebook, was dissappointing. I need to be more aware of my surroundings, less caring of the goings on in other people's lives, focusing on the happenings around me and my family. These littles are growing up way to fast.
One of our youth students preached an absolutely astounding - phenmonenal out of this world message tonight. She really opened herself up to be vulnerable and let the Holy Spirit use her. Wow.
Sunday morning, our Pastor preached an amazing message. My heart began a much needed healing and my spirit a much needed awakening.
God is doing an incredible thing. He is moving in incredible ways. I can't wait to see how this story unfolds.
Monday morning I settled in with my lovelies to spend the morning with them, and take some time with Jesus. Monday afternoon we received in the mail an amazing part of adoption news. I mean it was so exciting, it was like Christmas. For Christmas we got our LOA, for January we got our I-800 provisional approval! (It's okay that you don't know what that means!) This is a HUGE piece of our puzzle!! We our now waiting on our NVC letter so we can file our DS-260! Still confusing words... but our time is drawing near!! Those dates of March or April?? That's for real. We'll be going to China in March or April of this year to bring home our son. It doesn't even seem real, yet it does seem so real...
I have been nesting up a storm! Cleaning out stuff we don't need, trying to rearrange. Seriously. You didn't think you could nest if you weren't physically pregnant? Oh, you can. It's the strangest thing.
Monday night as we were headed to bed I checked my email quickly and hidden between unnecessary advertisements was our Update. We have been waiting since November to receive our update on our little boy. In our update we were gifted with a video!! And we watch it over and over and over again. We cannot wait to bring him home!!
So, we have been on cloud nine since Monday. It's like floating on surreal air, and we're only going to float some more!
With getting closer to leaving though, we know we are getting closer to needing more money! We know that God is going to provide, but how - he is mysterious.
Last week I was worried about our finances. We had been running into one road block after another, and I was overwhelmed with how we would ever have enough to bring home our baby. I recieved a check in the mail from a medical bill I had overpaid and I felt like it was God confirming, that he has it all taken care of. The next day I recieved another check, this one mine returned to me becuase I had already paid that bill. Another reminder that he is watching over us. Neither of the checks were for more than a few dollars, but it brought me the peace I needed to continue to trust in his faithfulness.
We are so excited about the next few weeks. We have so much to continue doing but we are so very very excited! Thank you all for praying for us and believing with us. And for all who have donated, your generosity is blowing us away. Our hearts are just overwhelmed with all that you are doing for us. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.
You're laughing.
I know. I know. I know exactly how it sounds. A stay-at-home mom, addicted to Facebook, and blogs, and Instagram... and everything else that keeps her connected to the rest of the world. It's almost cliche. Well, it is a little true. Our church entered 3 days of prayer and fasting, and my husband asked me to give up social media.
It was difficult that first day, and the second... and the third... I even dreamed about accidentally getting on Facebook on my phone. I would check my email and have to not absentmindedly click on Facebook. I know the truths about it all - I know that it's easy to get sucked in to. How one article shared just starts you on a vicious cycle clinging to news stories. Yes, I get my news from Facebook.
Anyway - it really is all besides the point. These 3 days were liberating, and the conversation I missed in the van on the way home because I was finally able to peruse Facebook, was dissappointing. I need to be more aware of my surroundings, less caring of the goings on in other people's lives, focusing on the happenings around me and my family. These littles are growing up way to fast.
One of our youth students preached an absolutely astounding - phenmonenal out of this world message tonight. She really opened herself up to be vulnerable and let the Holy Spirit use her. Wow.
Sunday morning, our Pastor preached an amazing message. My heart began a much needed healing and my spirit a much needed awakening.
God is doing an incredible thing. He is moving in incredible ways. I can't wait to see how this story unfolds.
Monday morning I settled in with my lovelies to spend the morning with them, and take some time with Jesus. Monday afternoon we received in the mail an amazing part of adoption news. I mean it was so exciting, it was like Christmas. For Christmas we got our LOA, for January we got our I-800 provisional approval! (It's okay that you don't know what that means!) This is a HUGE piece of our puzzle!! We our now waiting on our NVC letter so we can file our DS-260! Still confusing words... but our time is drawing near!! Those dates of March or April?? That's for real. We'll be going to China in March or April of this year to bring home our son. It doesn't even seem real, yet it does seem so real...
I have been nesting up a storm! Cleaning out stuff we don't need, trying to rearrange. Seriously. You didn't think you could nest if you weren't physically pregnant? Oh, you can. It's the strangest thing.
Monday night as we were headed to bed I checked my email quickly and hidden between unnecessary advertisements was our Update. We have been waiting since November to receive our update on our little boy. In our update we were gifted with a video!! And we watch it over and over and over again. We cannot wait to bring him home!!
So, we have been on cloud nine since Monday. It's like floating on surreal air, and we're only going to float some more!
With getting closer to leaving though, we know we are getting closer to needing more money! We know that God is going to provide, but how - he is mysterious.
Last week I was worried about our finances. We had been running into one road block after another, and I was overwhelmed with how we would ever have enough to bring home our baby. I recieved a check in the mail from a medical bill I had overpaid and I felt like it was God confirming, that he has it all taken care of. The next day I recieved another check, this one mine returned to me becuase I had already paid that bill. Another reminder that he is watching over us. Neither of the checks were for more than a few dollars, but it brought me the peace I needed to continue to trust in his faithfulness.
We are so excited about the next few weeks. We have so much to continue doing but we are so very very excited! Thank you all for praying for us and believing with us. And for all who have donated, your generosity is blowing us away. Our hearts are just overwhelmed with all that you are doing for us. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.
1.06.2015
Keep You Safe
It's a cold and windy night. Infact, our 5 inches of snow has literally been blown away and we can see the grass right outside our living room window.
I spent tonight filling out our I-800, preparing to send it off tomorrow, despite below freezing temperatures and crazy Iowa wind. And while I did, I played the CD we have sent over to our son in China. I Dream of You by JJ Heller.
All of the songs are beautiful, all of them apply to our lives. But one song, Keep You Safe, rings through me time and time again. Our little boy has many challenges ahead of him but when I hear this song I feel at peace. That God is singing this over him, over us.
We are so excited about this journey we are on. We cannot wait to bring our little boy home. But we know that there are a lot of things in his life and in our life that are not going to be easy. We know that where we are headed will have a lot of ups and downs - but singing this song I know its all going to be okay.
Literally, God has ordained every single step, opened every single door, and even provided simple miracles along the way to confirm this path. Remember how I said earlier I was hoping for our LOA as our Christmas present? It arrived this afternoon and when I opened it up and read the date of approval it read 12/26/2014. Just after Christmas. God has his hand in this and every single detail of our lives.
I spent tonight filling out our I-800, preparing to send it off tomorrow, despite below freezing temperatures and crazy Iowa wind. And while I did, I played the CD we have sent over to our son in China. I Dream of You by JJ Heller.
All of the songs are beautiful, all of them apply to our lives. But one song, Keep You Safe, rings through me time and time again. Our little boy has many challenges ahead of him but when I hear this song I feel at peace. That God is singing this over him, over us.
We are so excited about this journey we are on. We cannot wait to bring our little boy home. But we know that there are a lot of things in his life and in our life that are not going to be easy. We know that where we are headed will have a lot of ups and downs - but singing this song I know its all going to be okay.
Literally, God has ordained every single step, opened every single door, and even provided simple miracles along the way to confirm this path. Remember how I said earlier I was hoping for our LOA as our Christmas present? It arrived this afternoon and when I opened it up and read the date of approval it read 12/26/2014. Just after Christmas. God has his hand in this and every single detail of our lives.
Keep You Safe
Quiet your heart
It's just a dream
Go back to sleep
I'll be right here
I'll stay awake as long as you need me
To slay all the dragons
And keep out the monsters
I'm watching over you
My love is a light
Driving away all of your fear
So don't be afraid
Remember I made a promise to keep you safe
You'll have your own battles to fight
When you are older
You'll find yourself frozen inside
But always remember
If you feel alone
Facing the giants
And you don't know
What to do
My love is a light
Driving away all of your fear
So don't be afraid
Remember I made a promise to keep you safe
It's just a dream
Go back to sleep
I'll be right here
I'll stay awake as long as you need me
To slay all the dragons
And keep out the monsters
I'm watching over you
My love is a light
Driving away all of your fear
So don't be afraid
Remember I made a promise to keep you safe
You'll have your own battles to fight
When you are older
You'll find yourself frozen inside
But always remember
If you feel alone
Facing the giants
And you don't know
What to do
My love is a light
Driving away all of your fear
So don't be afraid
Remember I made a promise to keep you safe
Finish Strong
It's time for the traditional blogger New Year post! And in true "Brie" fashion, I am only 6 days late!
Last year at the new year we were really confused. We had excitedly started the adoption process and then thrown a curveball with an unexpected pregnancy that ended quickly in our 8th miscarriage. We spent the holidays trying to decide what to do when January came, and when that happened - we were no closer to knowing what to do. My husband entered 21 days of prayer and fasting, and by the end, we were still without a solid "answer". So with trepidation, and knowing God would lead our steps, we decided to return to the domestic adoption process, and as quickly as we tried to restart, God closed the door. It was exactly what we needed, an answer.
In early March we submitted our application to begin adopting from China, by June we had completed all the initial paperwork and classes and were starting our homestudy. Our summer was crazy, but by August we had completed our homestudy and were working on our dossier. It was the middle of September when an email of special focus children brought our son to our eyes and he stole our hearts. We were matched, sent our LOI and had our dossier to China by the end of October, and then we waited.
I had prayed so desperately that we would recieve our LOA for Christmas, but I knew 2-4 mo from DTC (Dossier to China) was Dec 31. And on December 29 while trying to get Z out of the trunk of the van, my phone rang our LOA had arrived! There it was, our Christmas gift!
Now here we are, January of a new year, so different from last January. We can see the finish line, but we haven't reached it yet. It reminds me of running with my good friends Susan and Leisha. At the end of every run when I can see where we finish I usually sprint to the end and proudly exclaim "I won!" (Which is a matter of joking between us because they usually have slowed their pace significantly for me to be able to run with them). But it is how I finish every race I run, with a sprint because inside I want to be like "oh okay, we made it to the end, I'm done now." But I haven't actually made it to the end. Sort of like the tortoise and the hare, start out strong and piddle out in the end.
Here we are, sprinting to bring home Doron, only this race - we can't piddle out on. This race we have to finish because our son lays in the balance.
I'm praying that this sets a presedence for me this year. I want to finish the goals and tasks I set before myself. Ambition gets you started but its dedication and perseverance that help you finish and finish strong.
May this be a year of beautiful beginnings and well run races for you as well!
Last year at the new year we were really confused. We had excitedly started the adoption process and then thrown a curveball with an unexpected pregnancy that ended quickly in our 8th miscarriage. We spent the holidays trying to decide what to do when January came, and when that happened - we were no closer to knowing what to do. My husband entered 21 days of prayer and fasting, and by the end, we were still without a solid "answer". So with trepidation, and knowing God would lead our steps, we decided to return to the domestic adoption process, and as quickly as we tried to restart, God closed the door. It was exactly what we needed, an answer.
In early March we submitted our application to begin adopting from China, by June we had completed all the initial paperwork and classes and were starting our homestudy. Our summer was crazy, but by August we had completed our homestudy and were working on our dossier. It was the middle of September when an email of special focus children brought our son to our eyes and he stole our hearts. We were matched, sent our LOI and had our dossier to China by the end of October, and then we waited.
I had prayed so desperately that we would recieve our LOA for Christmas, but I knew 2-4 mo from DTC (Dossier to China) was Dec 31. And on December 29 while trying to get Z out of the trunk of the van, my phone rang our LOA had arrived! There it was, our Christmas gift!
Now here we are, January of a new year, so different from last January. We can see the finish line, but we haven't reached it yet. It reminds me of running with my good friends Susan and Leisha. At the end of every run when I can see where we finish I usually sprint to the end and proudly exclaim "I won!" (Which is a matter of joking between us because they usually have slowed their pace significantly for me to be able to run with them). But it is how I finish every race I run, with a sprint because inside I want to be like "oh okay, we made it to the end, I'm done now." But I haven't actually made it to the end. Sort of like the tortoise and the hare, start out strong and piddle out in the end.
Here we are, sprinting to bring home Doron, only this race - we can't piddle out on. This race we have to finish because our son lays in the balance.
I'm praying that this sets a presedence for me this year. I want to finish the goals and tasks I set before myself. Ambition gets you started but its dedication and perseverance that help you finish and finish strong.
May this be a year of beautiful beginnings and well run races for you as well!
Hebrews 12:1-2New International Version (NIV)
12 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
1.05.2015
An Important Job
I joined instagram less than 24 hrs ago, pretty much for the sole purpose of keeping up with a dear friend who left Facebook probably over a year ago. She left for a lot of reasons, reasons I definitely agreed with, and I got an instagram because I am tired of not keeping up with her life!
I really thought that Instagram was just pictures, but apparently she uses it for so much more. She has a lot of followers, and she uses her instagram (whether she knows it or not) to speak life and encouragement into others.
This morning I opened my instagram and when I was at a *most frustrating* part of my day I felt encouraged in my role as a mother. I was reminded of the importance of my position and while laying on the living room floor, bemoaning the effort it was taking to get anything done today.
Sometimes it feels like we work so hard at this mothering gig and our kids don't always get it. Last week I stood on a beach in Florida with my husbands strong arms wrapped around me as he spoke life back into my tired home-school mother's soul. I was feeling like a deflated failure coming down from the busy holiday season, where school often fell to the bottom of the list, wondering if all of this - if home schooling was really what we were supposed to be doing. And then my husband swooped in like a night in shining armor to encourage me, and remind me that all of this - yes, this is the right thing we're doing - and our child is recieving an excellent education.
I can't imagine that I am alone in this. I can't imagine that I am the only home schooler out there who thinks at times that she is failing her child. I can't imagine that I am the only mother who wonders if I am really doing this correctly. I know we all do, and so today as I laid there wondering how we will ever get back on a decent schedule, and how will my house ever look as clean or as organized as it once did - I was reminded that this job I'm doing, day in and day out, early evening, late night, middle of the night, way too early morning -
It is an important job and I am doing a good job.
I really thought that Instagram was just pictures, but apparently she uses it for so much more. She has a lot of followers, and she uses her instagram (whether she knows it or not) to speak life and encouragement into others.
This morning I opened my instagram and when I was at a *most frustrating* part of my day I felt encouraged in my role as a mother. I was reminded of the importance of my position and while laying on the living room floor, bemoaning the effort it was taking to get anything done today.
Sometimes it feels like we work so hard at this mothering gig and our kids don't always get it. Last week I stood on a beach in Florida with my husbands strong arms wrapped around me as he spoke life back into my tired home-school mother's soul. I was feeling like a deflated failure coming down from the busy holiday season, where school often fell to the bottom of the list, wondering if all of this - if home schooling was really what we were supposed to be doing. And then my husband swooped in like a night in shining armor to encourage me, and remind me that all of this - yes, this is the right thing we're doing - and our child is recieving an excellent education.
I can't imagine that I am alone in this. I can't imagine that I am the only home schooler out there who thinks at times that she is failing her child. I can't imagine that I am the only mother who wonders if I am really doing this correctly. I know we all do, and so today as I laid there wondering how we will ever get back on a decent schedule, and how will my house ever look as clean or as organized as it once did - I was reminded that this job I'm doing, day in and day out, early evening, late night, middle of the night, way too early morning -
It is an important job and I am doing a good job.
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