This was a difficult week. I find it incredibly frustrating that you can have 5 great days and 1 rough one and it feels like you are ready to throw in the towel and that it takes 3 more days to pull yourself out of the rut. It is easy to forget all the good when you are knee deep in muck.
I took today as a rejuvenation day. I didn't worry about the laundry or the dishes, or the miriad of responsibilities I sometimes fail. Today was about enjoying the day and enjoying my kids. We started with crafts outside working with different mediums. We made pictures from pencil, marker, beads, and construction paper. (I don't have pictures because I was making pictures too! When I am trying to operate a camera I spend too much time trying to capture the perfect picture and not enough time experiencing life with my children. A picture or two that captures moments similar to these will spark a lifetime of memories.)
After crafting and playing and messes and a lunch only one child enjoyed... The littles were down for naps, the big was settled with a book. I had about 20 minutes to get half of a project finished and D woke up. Every once in awhile he'll take a great nap, usually I can bank on 45min-1hr followed by 30-40 minutes of hysterical crying. I don't know what it is that wakes him up, or what it is that makes him scream for so long but I wish I did. It is his hard time of day. After the crying ends there is cuddling, rocking, or strollering for another 30 minutes... and then he is ready for a snack. By then Z wakes up... I haven't yet been able to accomplish anything during naptime. And it has become quite clear that we won't be able to use naptime for school time anymore. Although I am presuming the we could possibly still do most of our work in the morning and allow naptime for seatwork...
I am being completely honest when I say that I am nervous about home schooling this year. Kind of like when we first started with Kindergarten and I had a one year old. I just took the plunge and said if it was terrible I could send her at semester to public school. We made it through Kindergarten, and thoroughly enjoyed First Grade. And here we are entering Second, and another new one in the home and the question looms - 'How am I going to do this??' But, we will jump in with both feet and give it a go. My guess is, we'll figure this out too.
After all of our littles were awake today we played with cornstarch and water, a non-Newtonian fluid. Aaron and I were sitting outside with two littles and a big playing with cornstarch and water, throwing it on the concrete and picking it up to see it liquify again... It was so much fun. Again, no pictures. I love participating! I love getting messy and having a good time!
I think that we'll be okay with homeschooling this year as long as I stop caring about absolutely everything else. Anyone want to spend their days doing my laundry and dishes?
7.15.2015
In this season....
I struggle so much in this life with doing big, being big. I want to be that person whose ministry is making a difference. I want to make a difference. But these days all I can do is just live. To make it through this day. I can't even organize my thoughts as to what I would do to make a difference, there are just too many needs. And how could I make a difference? I am just one person with no extra time. Actually, I am representative of 5 people with no extra time. (And I just spilled milk on my jeans.) I have to remind myself regularly that I cannot do all things. I must do what I can do; well. Raising my kids. Supporting my husband. Fulfilling our call to expand our family through adoption. Homeschooling. Youth ministry. There it is; my plate is full. I can do those things well right now, with God's help.
I wrote in my daughter's journal this morning that we go through seasons of our lives. There is a season for working, volunteering, creating, but this season right here is for loving and raising these babies. And that is a good thing. It isn't an easy season, it's the kind that earns you time alone when your husband gets home from work because you called him near tears with both toddlers screaming at you; demanding all of you at the exact same time. It is the kind of season that breeds lots of laughter and silly faces and funny games. It is the season when you teach a two year old and a three year old that they have to share, and you teach a seven year old just how valuable and important she is even though her world is overrun with irrational siblings. It is the kind of season when you laugh and you cry; when you change more poopy diapers than you ever thought possible in a 2 hr time span. It is a hard and wonderful season and it may not feel like I'm doing anything big or changing the world, but I am changing their world so that they can do
big too.
I am in a season of multiplication and it is hard but good. Someday, someday... Someday there will be time for sitting and painting and praying and changing the lives of others outside of this tight knit little circle I live in, but not quite yet. A reminder from my devotions today Luke 16:10 “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.”
I can be faithful with these littles right now.
7.08.2015
Is this what we call normal?
Yes, I think our lives are finally slipping into "normal". I wouldn't say that normal is always easy, but it is good to be here. Normal means that the transitional things we have noticed with Doron have either ceased or we now can expect them and work through them.
Doron has handled our transition back to church remarkably well and we are now in the process of transitioning back into youth ministry as adult leaders (our church has a youth pastor and several other adult leaders). This is still a bit tricky as we both have our life groups to work with and Doron cannot be without one of us in the nursery. Last week he handled life group "ok" and needed to go to the nursery during worship, so Aaron took nursery duty. Not sure if we will switch tonight or if Aaron will go again. After a long day at work Doron isn't much for leaving Aaron's side at night.
Aaron is still Doron's favorite but I get plenty of hugs, kisses and snuggles during the day too. Last night Aaron had had all three kids at his mom's house while I took a webinar. When they got home Doron yelled "Mama!" and ran up to me with his arms wide open. It was so sweet!
As Doron has gotten more comfortable with us we are seeing more of his little personality coming out. No longer is he quiet and timid but he has a lot to say and often we call his little language his Mandrish. We can tell he is trying to say something in English but it sounds like it is probably partly Mandarin. He has become a daring little boy who tests his limits with climbing ladders and chairs and trying to ride his sister's big bikes and his little (but still too big for him) bike; laughing the whole time. He is quick to smile and a tickle will bring on a fit of giggles that makes you never want to stop tickling him. He likes to be thrown by Daddy high up in the air and smiles a giant smile every time.
He is also a little stinker who will sometimes hit or bite his big sister, Zizi. Sadly, its usually her who gets hit or bit. She is still taking it well, although she did go through a phase when if he came near her she would run away screaming. Mostly the two of them play really well together but there are also days like today when Z does NOT want to share her Mommy and Doron does NOT know what he wants so everybody cries and screams (sometimes Mommy cries too... I try not to scream, that usually makes things worse). Naptime has finally settled itself out. Z watches an episode of Octonauts or Clifford... or whatever her favorite show this week is and Doron snuggles up on my shoulder and quickly falls asleep. Then Z goes down pretty easily too. I am thankful we found a system.
Am has been so busy this summer playing with her best friend whenever possible. It seems we hardly see her; just glimpses as they run between houses. Doron thinks Am's best friend is also one of his sisters and he calls her Jie Jie as well. It's pretty adorable.
This is an amazing time in our lives - crazy busy and difficult - but really amazing.
Doron has handled our transition back to church remarkably well and we are now in the process of transitioning back into youth ministry as adult leaders (our church has a youth pastor and several other adult leaders). This is still a bit tricky as we both have our life groups to work with and Doron cannot be without one of us in the nursery. Last week he handled life group "ok" and needed to go to the nursery during worship, so Aaron took nursery duty. Not sure if we will switch tonight or if Aaron will go again. After a long day at work Doron isn't much for leaving Aaron's side at night.
Aaron is still Doron's favorite but I get plenty of hugs, kisses and snuggles during the day too. Last night Aaron had had all three kids at his mom's house while I took a webinar. When they got home Doron yelled "Mama!" and ran up to me with his arms wide open. It was so sweet!
As Doron has gotten more comfortable with us we are seeing more of his little personality coming out. No longer is he quiet and timid but he has a lot to say and often we call his little language his Mandrish. We can tell he is trying to say something in English but it sounds like it is probably partly Mandarin. He has become a daring little boy who tests his limits with climbing ladders and chairs and trying to ride his sister's big bikes and his little (but still too big for him) bike; laughing the whole time. He is quick to smile and a tickle will bring on a fit of giggles that makes you never want to stop tickling him. He likes to be thrown by Daddy high up in the air and smiles a giant smile every time.
He is also a little stinker who will sometimes hit or bite his big sister, Zizi. Sadly, its usually her who gets hit or bit. She is still taking it well, although she did go through a phase when if he came near her she would run away screaming. Mostly the two of them play really well together but there are also days like today when Z does NOT want to share her Mommy and Doron does NOT know what he wants so everybody cries and screams (sometimes Mommy cries too... I try not to scream, that usually makes things worse). Naptime has finally settled itself out. Z watches an episode of Octonauts or Clifford... or whatever her favorite show this week is and Doron snuggles up on my shoulder and quickly falls asleep. Then Z goes down pretty easily too. I am thankful we found a system.
Am has been so busy this summer playing with her best friend whenever possible. It seems we hardly see her; just glimpses as they run between houses. Doron thinks Am's best friend is also one of his sisters and he calls her Jie Jie as well. It's pretty adorable.
This is an amazing time in our lives - crazy busy and difficult - but really amazing.
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