Beauty all around

Several years ago a friend of mine and I had a garden.  It was a good size, and we loved it.  We would spend hours out there together, listening, talking, just being silent but safe.  It was a form of therapy for both of us.  I was struggling with through infertility and miscarriage, and she her own journey to walk through. 

It was a beautiful garden, and I had a beautiful walkway, beautiful flower beds and I enjoyed them.  I had only one child, and my friend had her two (and later 3) and our kids would play while we talked.  And many days I would go out to the garden alone and just pray.  Mostly I prayed for more children. 

In all those prayers, that were one day answered - I never once realized that when I had those more children I would not be able to continue to maintain a garden well. 

Here we are, my oldest 9, my second child almost 5 and my youngest home for two years - and my garden still waits full of weeds. 

It has been 4 years since our large joined garden.  And this year, I am finally planting a couple of vegetables again.  I planted strawberries and lettuce today, and I pulled 3 dandelion plants. 

That is seriously all I have time for.  I don't even have time for writing this.  Because our social worker comes for our two year post placement in just a few days and if I spend all my time cleaning up the outside, she will find a very messy inside.  It looks as though we have been busy for the past three weekends and sick in between... because that's true. 

I am so thankful for these three amazing kids that God has given me.  And I'm even thankful that I don't have the time for the meticulously maintained garden and flower beds of my past.  Because the friendships have stood the test of time, and the children are growing.  Both are a very beautiful thing. 

...but she out of her poverty...

Some days are really difficult.  Whether you are a parent or not, everyone has difficult days.  It can be brought on by nothing more than a difficult night of sleep, sleeping past your alarm, not eating breakfast, or traffic slowing you down.  Everyone has difficulties in life. 

Sometimes though, there are people that have more difficulties than others.  Whether mental illness like depression, bipolar, or schizophrenia, or a physical illness like chronic back pain, fibromyalgia, cancer treatments or foot pain (psh. lets just say any pain.. because anytime there is pain, there is just difficulty!)  - so  Let's just say that - when people are in pain, life is extra hard! 

What about those suffering from an emotional heartache?  Infertility, miscarriage, death of a loved one, a struggling marriage, concern for your children -

In Luke chapter 21 vs 1-4 we read the story of the widow's offering -

As Jesus looked up, he saw the rich putting their gifts into the temple treasury. ² He also saw a poor widow put in two very small copper coins. ³ “Truly I tell you,” he said, “this poor widow has put in more than all the others. ⁴ All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on.”

I read this and thought about how I could give out of my poverty.  I cannot claim to have ever experienced true financial poverty.  Even as a child when my parents were at their poorest, we still had food and shelter, warmth, and clothing - by this worlds standards, I have never experienced financial poverty.  I wondered what it would be like to give out of my poverty. 

And then as the morning progressed it came to be known that one of my kids was having a really hard day. I was doing my best to speak life into this little one - but she really didn't want to hear it.  I told her that even in hard times we can make the choice to have a good day or a bad day.  This day was her choice, regardless of whether or not it went the way she had hoped it would.

And that is when it struck me - what about giving out of our emotional poverty?  When life is really difficult and we show grace to someone who needs it.  Or when we choose to be joyful despite difficult life circumstances.  When we bring peace even though we feel that our world is in turmoil...  Might this be a little like this widow giving out of her poverty. 

When life is going easy, when the money is there, when we got all the sleep we needed, when we woke up on time and our hair was perfect, on the days that we absolutely LOVE LIFE - it is so easy to spread joy and love, and grace - and on those days it is so easy to be full of patience for those around us and to respond softly to harsh words. 

But on the days that our hormones are OUT OF CONTROL, on the days we want to eat our feelings and punch other people in the face (c'mon I can't be the only one right?), on the days we just don't feel like we can summon the energy to play with our kids, or make a decent meal, or focus on our work, - but yet we give our very best in that day... our best might be yelling less than you wanted to and making boxed mac and cheese - but might our best on our worst days be worth more than our best on our best days? 

Just some thoughts tonight. 

I would love to hear what your thoughts on this might be!  Have you ever felt like you had nothing to give, and so you gave the very best you could even when it felt pitiful?

Comment on this blog, or comment on Facebook - I would love to connect with you!