Just a little over a week ago Doron had 5 English words; as of yesterday and today I've counted 15! He is constantly repeating what we say. Last night Zemirah came into the kitchen and whined an exasperated "oohhh, Why????" and instantly in the exact tone and volume Doron repeated her, several times over. Sometimes I'm not certain he's learning the best of manners but he is certainly learning.
Yesterday we were heading out the door for a family outing and I said "Now, where are your shoes?" and he promptly stood up and pointed at his shoe basket. I replied "Ah yes, but I was wondering about your sandals." He turned around and pointed across the room to where his sandals lay. I was shocked! Not only is he mimicking but he is understanding!
He is also interacting! So far this week Doron has bitten Zemirah once a day. Not the best of practices, but we have been told that this is a great sign because it means that he is comfortable with us. So - Yay! Zemirah is handling it quite well, while she doesn't enjoy being bitten by her brother she is quick to forgive and accepts his hugs and kisses of apology. I can tell that he feels bad for hurting her after he bites so that is also a good sign.
Am, Z, and Doron have been playing together really really well. I am actually quite surprised at how well everything has been going at just 2.5 weeks home. Aaron is working half days now so my mornings are full. I appreciate having a seven year old so much though. She is able to keep an eye on Doron for a few minutes at a time while I throw in a load of laundry or quick start a load of dishes.
Naptime is still a struggle. Doron is taking 30 min - 1 hr naps, which leave him clinging and tired for the rest of the evening. However, when he sleeps longer bed time can drag on as late as 10:30pm, which doesn't make anyone happy. I am thankful that Aaron is still around in the afternoons to help me figure out the napping situation with 2 nappers. I'm also thankful that Zemirah is still a good napper.
While we were in China Z went from being nearly 100% potty trained to "These pull-ups are the coolest thing ever!" and "Look Mom, I can change my own pull-up!" I haven't yet decided how to retrain her. Doron is about as potty trained as Z at this point so I'm considering just working with them both at once but before we go there I'd like to get more settled at home with both of them.
Our homeschool curriculum arrived today! I was very excited to open up the box but found out I'd made a mistake in my order, so I spent about 2 hours of my afternoon trying to figure out if it was easily fixable. I can work with the mistake I made. It's not perfect, but it will be fine. I believe I am going to set our school start date at August 1 (of course, I see now that that's a Saturday) so August 3. I usually start mid-July but with all the changes in our lives this year, I want to take an extra two weeks of summer break. I have been requiring Am to do a little bit of school during nap time, she is not a fan. Hopefully starting up again and getting back into our routine will make things better. I'm really looking forward to our new curriculum. We are doing Sonlight this year and it already looks like a great fit for us. Am has already read a few of the books in our package.
My thoughts are jumbled today. I started drinking a second cup of coffee at 4 pm but then worried I wouldn't be able to fall asleep at 10pm. So I have a half cup of coffee sitting in the kitchen. I gave Doron a sip thinking he would hate coffee (just like the girls) but I was so wrong. Now I have a very angry toddler that really wants some coffee. If it's true that coffee stunts your growth we should keep it far far away from our tiny little dude.
Good night folks, enjoy these amazing summer days. Hopefully no more rain for awhile and we can head back to the parks soon. :)
Brie
6.14.2015
Sleep, Baby, Sleep
The first two nights after Doron joined our family bedtime was a piece of cake. In every way; it was easy, it was sweet, it was enjoyable. About the third night though Doron didn't want me anymore. At first when it came to bedtime he would lay his head on my chest and full out lay on top of me, with his tiny little body.
On night three, he didn't want to be anywhere near me. Since then, Doron has preferred Daddy. And by preferred, I mean - he cries like the worst is happening all over again unless Daddy is there to lay him down for naps or bedtime and be there when he wakes up from either. Even this afternoon when Doron woke up from his nap, I went in to get him and pick him up. He cried and cried and cried, huge tears, lots of snot - CRYING; knowing that Daddy is headed back to work this week and that we are going to have to figure this thing out I tried to distract him with his favorite snack. Nothing.. the tears would not stop coming. Only after going outside and getting Daddy, and being held by Daddy did the crying stop and he ate the snack I was still holding.
Doron loves Daddy. No doubt about that. And really, I have no doubt that he loves me too, but for some reason when it comes to sleeping he doesn't trust anyone like he trusts Daddy. And that's ok, because that's what he needs right now.
Tonight was different though. For some reason when we were putting Z down to bed, Doron got really jealous of her snuggling me. Doron wanted Mama. Since Daddy has only put Z to bed once since we got home from China, I picked up Doron and we cheerfully waved goodbye to everyone and headed downstairs to put Doron to bed.
He was so calm. I've never seen him so calm at bedtime. But I sang to him softly all my bedtime songs, twice. And then we laid down in bed together, like we did the first night we had him. I took off my glasses and he touched my face and he called me Nai Nai. It's a small glimpse into his little mind, what all of this must feel like to him.
His Nai Nai is his foster mom. At 18 months old our son was placed in a foster home for 7 months while we waited to be able to travel and get him. During this time he bonded really well with his foster mom, I imagine she must have sang to him quite a lot. She loved him very much. Nai Nai has long straight hair, similar to mine and sometimes I wonder if I was too similar to her for awhile. That he had to learn to separate her and I. Tonight, with my glasses off and half asleep he thought I was Nai Nai and he fell asleep peacefully in my arms.
Our little baby has endured quite a lot in his short life. It can be hard to understand all that our son has gone through because in all my life I haven't suffered the loss that he has. I hope and pray that as he grows, we are able to help him fully process and understand his past, his present, and his future. I pray that God gives him peace as he works out all that he endured. I know it will be a lifelong journey for him to mourn what was and what will never be, and accept what is and all that can be.
Goodnight friends.
On night three, he didn't want to be anywhere near me. Since then, Doron has preferred Daddy. And by preferred, I mean - he cries like the worst is happening all over again unless Daddy is there to lay him down for naps or bedtime and be there when he wakes up from either. Even this afternoon when Doron woke up from his nap, I went in to get him and pick him up. He cried and cried and cried, huge tears, lots of snot - CRYING; knowing that Daddy is headed back to work this week and that we are going to have to figure this thing out I tried to distract him with his favorite snack. Nothing.. the tears would not stop coming. Only after going outside and getting Daddy, and being held by Daddy did the crying stop and he ate the snack I was still holding.
Doron loves Daddy. No doubt about that. And really, I have no doubt that he loves me too, but for some reason when it comes to sleeping he doesn't trust anyone like he trusts Daddy. And that's ok, because that's what he needs right now.
Tonight was different though. For some reason when we were putting Z down to bed, Doron got really jealous of her snuggling me. Doron wanted Mama. Since Daddy has only put Z to bed once since we got home from China, I picked up Doron and we cheerfully waved goodbye to everyone and headed downstairs to put Doron to bed.
He was so calm. I've never seen him so calm at bedtime. But I sang to him softly all my bedtime songs, twice. And then we laid down in bed together, like we did the first night we had him. I took off my glasses and he touched my face and he called me Nai Nai. It's a small glimpse into his little mind, what all of this must feel like to him.
His Nai Nai is his foster mom. At 18 months old our son was placed in a foster home for 7 months while we waited to be able to travel and get him. During this time he bonded really well with his foster mom, I imagine she must have sang to him quite a lot. She loved him very much. Nai Nai has long straight hair, similar to mine and sometimes I wonder if I was too similar to her for awhile. That he had to learn to separate her and I. Tonight, with my glasses off and half asleep he thought I was Nai Nai and he fell asleep peacefully in my arms.
Our little baby has endured quite a lot in his short life. It can be hard to understand all that our son has gone through because in all my life I haven't suffered the loss that he has. I hope and pray that as he grows, we are able to help him fully process and understand his past, his present, and his future. I pray that God gives him peace as he works out all that he endured. I know it will be a lifelong journey for him to mourn what was and what will never be, and accept what is and all that can be.
Goodnight friends.
Bringing home Doron
I have to be honest; I love writing but I don't always know how to put my thoughts and feelings into words. I left off my last post right as we got to Nanjing, our son's birth city and then I pretty much stopped. It's so hard to know where to go from there because that is the start of the rest of our lives. I'll be telling this story until I die. That's kind of an overwhelming thought.
It's hard to really describe the transition our family has gone through in the last 4 weeks. It doesn't feel like we were landing in Nanjing four weeks ago. It doesn't feel like the bus window next to my daughter was shattered while we were driving 4 weeks ago.
It's hard to really describe the transition our family has gone through in the last 4 weeks. It doesn't feel like we were landing in Nanjing four weeks ago. It doesn't feel like the bus window next to my daughter was shattered while we were driving 4 weeks ago.
Or that we met this guy:
But crazy, it totally did!
We went from a family of 4 to a family of 5 overnight. But the whole big strange feeling of it all didn't hit until we got home and really were altogether as a family of 5. In China we were just 4 of us, and Z was represented with a different toddler, but at home we have two toddlers and a big kid and figuring out our new roles has been tricky.
I anticipated the transition for Doron to be difficult but I didn't anticipate it to feel so strange and forced and first. In China it felt natural and normal, almost like this was our new forever but Z wasn't there so we knew that it couldn't be. But since we'd only ever had 1 toddler at a time having 2 was unknown territory. When we got home falling back into our patterns and roles with Z was easy, we were familiar and comfortable again, but figuring out where Doron fits is still something we are working on. The first week home it felt like we were babysitting someone else's child.
I don't like the way that sounds, but it is the only way to describe the awkwardness of coming home. I want to paint adoption as this beautiful picture of a puzzle falling into place to create a perfect ending but sometimes the pieces don't fit right when you put together a puzzle. Sometimes you put the wrong piece in a place for awhile until you realize it's not quite right and you have to rearrange. Maybe that's the best way to describe it. The first week home was awkward, the second week home has been much better.
The day Doron was placed in our arms was a whirlwind. We arrived at the Center for Foreign Related Adoption Services about 9am and had to wait until the doors opened around 9:30. Just as the doors opened and our guide walked in a car pulled up and out came several women and all of our children. We were stopped in our tracks wondering if we should follow our guide or get our children from the orphanage staff who had just arrived.
We had been warned that our reaction on Gotcha Day might not be what we anticipated it would be and I have to be honest, as many times as I had pictured how this day would go - not one idea was what really happened. As I was taking pictures of another family getting their baby, suddenly Aaron was saying "Gabe, Gabe Gabe!" and I turned around and Doron was already in Aaron's arms - it all happened so fast.
 |
| Our very first picture together |
All of our pictures from Gotcha Day and the next day, Adoption Day are super blurry. Oh well, that is life isn't it? Doron did so well with us from the very start. He sat happily in a chair and looked around with curiousity. He smiled and shared his snacks with us, it was really a wonderful beginning.
We have spent the last 4 weeks getting to know each other. It is so strange to think about giving birth to a new baby, all they've ever known is you, but when you bring home a child through adoption they have a whole other world they are familiar with and just as they are new to us, we are new to them. It is a learning process and not always an easy one.
There is so much I could write or say about our time in China but most days there is just no way to put into words all that I think and feel. Sometimes I don't think you want to know what I think and feel!
I am hoping that I will still be blogging semi-regularly (or as regular as you could call how often I have blogged up until this point), but having 3 kids, two of them toddlers, is more challenging than having 2 - so I make no promises.
Thank you so much to all of you who have stayed so involved in our journey and have been praying for us all the way through. You are such a huge blessing to our family. Please continue to pray for us as we navigate these next few weeks, months, and years.
Love,
Brie
6.02.2015
Adoption Journey: Our trip to China Part 1
We have been home from China for 3 days now and yesterday marked two weeks as a family of five. There is so much I could write and say, there is so much beautiful and so much perfection and yet his little life is so fragile.
I've always known from living in the world of infertility and pregnancy loss that suggesting an infertile "just adopt" was about the most taboo thing you could say. And I respected it, I honored it, even if at the time I didn't quite understand it.
This past year has been an incredible journey for us full of ups and downs, twists and turns. There have been moments of anxiety and fear, and moments of joy and hope and purpose. We read books and watched what felt like endless hours of videos all in preparation of the great unknown of bringing a wounded child into our family. We prepared ourselves because we knew his heart had been hurt but to what degree we may never know. The hurts that have filled his tiny life he might not even understand, and if he does he might not ever know how to express.
On the other side of the coin, we entered into this process with excitement and anticipation, but also with trepidation knowing that the journey God was calling us into would be wonderful but difficult. There would be tears of joy, but many tears of sadness as we try desperately to navigate our little one through a world that to this point has caused him much pain.
Even up to our leaving for China it felt completely surreal. I would sit and wonder if this was really happening. As we packed bags, bought gifts, confirmed our flights, prepared and prepared and prepared - I wondered the whole time, were we really about to become parents again?
The night before we were set to leave, at 8 pm - when we were scheduled to fly out at 5:45 the following morning, my phone lit up with a text from our airline that our flight had been cancelled. They had immediately put us on a different flight to Chicago, effectively missing our flight to Beijing by 1 hour. We spent the next hour frantically coming up with a plan B, and at 7am the next morning we packed up our minivan and drove to Chicago to catch our flight to Beijing... because living in a small community means cancelling flights just because.
The first 10 months of our journey were easy - difficult because of lots of paperwork, but everything always fit right into place. The last 5 months were frustrating when there was delay after delay in our travel to meet our son. Even up to the very last night.
Our flight to China was incredibly easy. Am had a child's meal which meant her food was infinitely better than the rest of ours and she raved about how nice the flight staff was. And they really were, so she was right on there. All the way to China it felt like a dream... felt like I was sitting in a car for 13 hours to go on a dream vacation. Being in Beijing felt like visiting a big city and us and several other families kept commenting, even as we stood on the Great Wall of China that it didn't feel like we were in China. It felt like we were on a really awesome vacation.
I think that going to Beijing for the first 3 days of our adoption trip was one of the best decisions we could have made. They keep you so ridiculously busy that there is no way you have a chance to stop and realize just how jetlagged you are. You just run on adrenaline as you are shown the great history and culture of your child's birth country. The people of China are so nice and the beauty of the country really overwhelmed me. It saddened me to see a people and culture so beautiful, a family structure deep and strong, but yet know how unfree they are. In the few people we talked to who spoke English that was there comment. They liked the freedoms of America but they loved their country. And to be honest, in a way, we fell in love with their country as well.
Throughout our time in Beijing I constantly wondered if we were really on this trip to bring home our son or if this was all just a ruse. What if there had been a mistake and we really didn't have a child waiting for us? What if they brought us the wrong one? What if all of this was not the end of this journey and we went home empty handed?
Flying to our son's city was quite possibly the best feeling ever. Taking pictures of our first glimpse of Nanjing and knowing that within 24 hours he would be in our arms forever - that was amazing.
The story could continue on forever, and I will finish this another day - but here we are at the climax of our story. The next steps start our newest journey, marking our first few days with our beautiful baby.
Having been home 3 days now and feeling the effects of jetlag worse than ever, my heart is stuck in melancholy. It is frustrating to say the least to be navigating these new challenges with exhaustion as my constant companion. All I want is to spend every waking moment fostering attachment with my new son, but I have to be patient and wait. I have to understand that his hesitation towards me, isn't me at all - it is a history of hurts that I will never fully understand.
I know now that suggesting that a childless family adopt is not appropriate because adoption is a calling, but I also now understand that adoption has always been a part of my calling. We will press on, treasure on, live on, seek on - desperate to secure in our little one a foundation of love, truth, and hope so that his future might be bright and his heart full.
I've always known from living in the world of infertility and pregnancy loss that suggesting an infertile "just adopt" was about the most taboo thing you could say. And I respected it, I honored it, even if at the time I didn't quite understand it.
This past year has been an incredible journey for us full of ups and downs, twists and turns. There have been moments of anxiety and fear, and moments of joy and hope and purpose. We read books and watched what felt like endless hours of videos all in preparation of the great unknown of bringing a wounded child into our family. We prepared ourselves because we knew his heart had been hurt but to what degree we may never know. The hurts that have filled his tiny life he might not even understand, and if he does he might not ever know how to express.
On the other side of the coin, we entered into this process with excitement and anticipation, but also with trepidation knowing that the journey God was calling us into would be wonderful but difficult. There would be tears of joy, but many tears of sadness as we try desperately to navigate our little one through a world that to this point has caused him much pain.
Even up to our leaving for China it felt completely surreal. I would sit and wonder if this was really happening. As we packed bags, bought gifts, confirmed our flights, prepared and prepared and prepared - I wondered the whole time, were we really about to become parents again?
The night before we were set to leave, at 8 pm - when we were scheduled to fly out at 5:45 the following morning, my phone lit up with a text from our airline that our flight had been cancelled. They had immediately put us on a different flight to Chicago, effectively missing our flight to Beijing by 1 hour. We spent the next hour frantically coming up with a plan B, and at 7am the next morning we packed up our minivan and drove to Chicago to catch our flight to Beijing... because living in a small community means cancelling flights just because.
The first 10 months of our journey were easy - difficult because of lots of paperwork, but everything always fit right into place. The last 5 months were frustrating when there was delay after delay in our travel to meet our son. Even up to the very last night.
Our flight to China was incredibly easy. Am had a child's meal which meant her food was infinitely better than the rest of ours and she raved about how nice the flight staff was. And they really were, so she was right on there. All the way to China it felt like a dream... felt like I was sitting in a car for 13 hours to go on a dream vacation. Being in Beijing felt like visiting a big city and us and several other families kept commenting, even as we stood on the Great Wall of China that it didn't feel like we were in China. It felt like we were on a really awesome vacation.
I think that going to Beijing for the first 3 days of our adoption trip was one of the best decisions we could have made. They keep you so ridiculously busy that there is no way you have a chance to stop and realize just how jetlagged you are. You just run on adrenaline as you are shown the great history and culture of your child's birth country. The people of China are so nice and the beauty of the country really overwhelmed me. It saddened me to see a people and culture so beautiful, a family structure deep and strong, but yet know how unfree they are. In the few people we talked to who spoke English that was there comment. They liked the freedoms of America but they loved their country. And to be honest, in a way, we fell in love with their country as well.
Throughout our time in Beijing I constantly wondered if we were really on this trip to bring home our son or if this was all just a ruse. What if there had been a mistake and we really didn't have a child waiting for us? What if they brought us the wrong one? What if all of this was not the end of this journey and we went home empty handed?
Flying to our son's city was quite possibly the best feeling ever. Taking pictures of our first glimpse of Nanjing and knowing that within 24 hours he would be in our arms forever - that was amazing.
The story could continue on forever, and I will finish this another day - but here we are at the climax of our story. The next steps start our newest journey, marking our first few days with our beautiful baby.
Having been home 3 days now and feeling the effects of jetlag worse than ever, my heart is stuck in melancholy. It is frustrating to say the least to be navigating these new challenges with exhaustion as my constant companion. All I want is to spend every waking moment fostering attachment with my new son, but I have to be patient and wait. I have to understand that his hesitation towards me, isn't me at all - it is a history of hurts that I will never fully understand.
I know now that suggesting that a childless family adopt is not appropriate because adoption is a calling, but I also now understand that adoption has always been a part of my calling. We will press on, treasure on, live on, seek on - desperate to secure in our little one a foundation of love, truth, and hope so that his future might be bright and his heart full.
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