But seriously, it has. You probably haven't noticed the absence as much as I have. My blog following is very small and probably for the very reason that there is little of interest to read. This could be because my life is not interesting or dramatic - OR - (and this is probably more true) I am swarming in lists of things to do and the catharsis of writing falls low, and then often times my writings are more for me than for you. Sorry to say (well, not really) but some things are private and most of our lovely lives has not met the eye of public scrutiny and for good reason. Also, if my children are awake and I'm trying to write, either one or both of them thwart my attempts at getting them to play nicely with each other and I end up with either one or both of them on my lap. Such has happened now, so I may have to abandon this post at a moment's notice, thus leaving it unfinished and further proving why the posts are so few and far between.
I don't even know where to start an actual post. I have a lot on my mind right now. As far as the adoption plans go I could talk for hours on what God is teaching me through all of this, and tell you in about 5 seconds that nothing has changed at this point. I don't know exactly how this journey is supposed to look, but each day it is a little more glaringly obvious that it won't go the way I had planned it to, but I guess that's how our lives have always been. Brie's playbook never did have all the best plays.
As far as miscarriage, loss, all that is and will be in the world - today my heart is sad. A friend got crushing news today and I find myself wishing I could fight this battle for her. Wishing that somehow, someway, in all there is in this world - this was not the news she received today. That her world would be full of tears of joy and rejoicing and triumph instead of a crushed and aching heart.
It just makes me want to cry out! Why does it have to be like this for her? And I hug my girls, I dance with them, I laugh with them, I sing to them, and I hold them and my heart aches. I have two miracles, I can not ever take that for granted. Loss after loss, heartbreak after heartbreak; I have these two. Why can't she have this? Why not?
In all of this, in all these years - I have learned more than ever the value in loving, and treasuring what you have. Do I want more? Oh yes, I want more - but if I don't, if I never - these two, they are enough. My heart is more than full. And if, oh how my heart would break, if I lost these two - I hope that I would say that He is enough. That the creator of life, the giver of all good things, He truly is enough to fill and satisfy me.
Please pray for my friend today. Her heart is breaking. She needs an overwhelming amount of love and support.
