Help me find it

Wasting time on facebook tonight, a friend had posted this song.

It is by Sidewalk Prophets, and not one I had heard before, but it fits exactly how we feel right now.

I can't remember who I have told what to, so if I'm repeating myself I will edit it later.  Our final test results for the last blood test we needed done to check for an immun...  uh, there are words I don't know or understand about to be said - immuno - something...  Essentially, here's the down-low:

In January of 2007 we had a giant gammot of blood tests done to determine potential causes for our recurrent miscarriages.  They checked for things like Lupus, MTHFR, and some other things...  Something to the effect of, if your immune system attacks the baby it causes tiny blood clots in the placenta and the baby cannot get the oxygen and nutrients it needs and dies, and then you miscarry.  Well, back in 2007 they didn't know as much as they know now, so there is another test in that protocol that I hadn't had done.  The Beta 2 Glycoproteins test.  I had another test done (and I can't remember what it was called either) - because in 2007 my results tested "intermediate" which really doesn't mean anything, and would not be a cause of miscarriage but they retested it anyway.

Because the things they tested this time had a treatment, if I tested positive for either of them my miscarriage risk would drop to 15 -20 % (normal for most women) if I were to get pregnant and follow the treatment protocol.

However, I tested in the normal range for both of these.  Which is good, I'm glad I don't have anything wrong with me, but it still leaves us looking for answers.  It also leaves us with a miscarriage risk of 30-50% because of our history.

So, now we are at a crossroads with big decisions to make.  And to be honest, for the first time in months my husband and I are on the same page.

We both agree, we're on the "wait and see" page.  We don't know what to do.  So for now, we wait for what God might show us.  Praying for big answers in the next few months - the kind with giant flashing signs that say "THIS IS WHAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO!"

This song says exactly what I'm thinking and feeling tonight.  Thank you so much for all of your prayers on this journey, we really do appreciate all of them!

New Web Address Ideas?

I have long since *not-preferred* our web address fertilevsinfertile.blogspot.com.

I selected this address when we were in the height of a fertility crisis.  I, who could once get pregnant very easily was struggling with Secondary Infertility.  It was difficult and overwhelming.  Not only that, but we were still struggling with Recurrent Pregnancy Loss and I very much felt stuck in the middle of the fertility wheel.

I had 1 child and wanted another.  I felt guilty for once being fertile, and frustrated that I no longer was - and that if I did get pregnant, I might miscarry.

However, after years of having this web address I've found that it feels like maybe I'm expressing a competition between fertiles and infertiles.  And truly, that couldn't be further from the truth.

And truth be told, infertility is not a struggle I have anymore although Recurrent Pregnancy Loss still is.

I've always wondered when this picture might come in handy

My husband and I are at a crossroads in our journey.  We are not sure how the rest of our children will come to us, but we know we are still patiently waiting for more.

This blog has become more than writing abo
ut our fertility issues, our miscarriages, or our pregnancies.  This blog is a story of our lives.  Where I write about whatever comes to me, usually miscarriage - but often times just life in general.

So, for those of you who read this blog - or might start - Can you help me come up with some ideas for a new web address?  

I was thinking something more general, that related to us as a family and not so much a particular subject matter.

A quick update!

It has to be a quick update because I'm pretty sure if I blink my life will fly past me!

Homeschooling:

My daughter doing a numbers puzzle.

We have been so busy this week with our first week of homeschooling and to top it off I got a cold.  So, in between trying to modify lesson plans or prepare for the next day, I was trying to catch sleep where I could and continue to keep up with our regular activities.  To say this week has been crazy would be an understatement.

But, my 5 year old is really enjoying Kindergarten at home and my 1 year old hates it.  But we'll figure things out with her, it might mean postponing school until her afternoon nap time.  Which is what I'm going to try and do today since yesterday was so awful.

On the reproductive front:  
After a little bit of office mix-up at my midwife's office (really who can blame them they have a ton of patients) and maybe a misunderstanding on my part, after 3 weeks I finally got my blood tests ordered and drawn on Tuesday afternoon.  I haven't heard back yet what the results were.  I called yesterday but something tells me I probably won't know until Monday and even then I'll need to schedule an appointment with my midwife to discuss our options from here.

So that is where we sit right now.  We are still waiting for answers, and I feel like I'm right on the precipice of major decision making.  The outcome of these tests will make a lot of decisions for us right off the top, which is encouraging, but I know that they will also spark more discussion, more planning, and maybe even a little more confusion as we now have to take the next step.

In the meantime I am going to enjoy the weekend coming up.  We finally have very little on our agenda and I'm looking forward to enjoying family time and hopefully cleaning the house.  (Betya never thought you'd hear me say that, eh?)

Happy Friday!

Homeschooling

A few years ago we approached the idea of homeschooling our children.  We tried it for a few weeks when our daughter was just 3 and things didn't go so smoothly.  She didn't enjoy the sitting and working worksheets.  2 years have passed since then, and it seemed that overnight our vision completely changed.  We went from "We can't homeschool"  to  "This is something we might be able to do".

And here we are -

We begin homeschooling Noodle tomorrow!  I can't believe Kindergarten is already here, and as I spend this afternoon cutting out calendars and letters and other activities we have planned for this week I just can't help but think about how 5 years has flown by too fast.  This next year is certainly going to be a busy one, but hopefully a very enjoyable and fruitful year for us too.  Our Noodle Doodle is excited and so am I!


I am no photographer but I hope to be taking regular pictures of our homeschool adventures so that at the end of the year I can put together a little yearbook for Noodle.

Here we goooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!