Today I got to spend some good times with some good friends. I love when that happens. As my friend and I chatted we remarked on just how difficult it is to have good friends. Why is that?
A few months ago, in a desperate effort to build deeper relationships I sent this woman a facebook message asking if she wanted to be my friend. It seriously felt wierd asking someone to be my friend, but then we actively began pursuing building a friendship. We met for breakfast one Saturday a month becuase we are both busy moms and that's really all we could handle. It took awhile but we kind of forced a friendship on ourselves. We both needed it.
Turns out, we aren't the only ones feeling like we just don't have deep relationships like we used to. As we wondered outloud about this afternoon we bounced around ideas. We could cast the blame on busyness, or other people, or whatever - but I think one idea stood out more than others.
It was just a few years ago that we didn't all have Facebook. When you saw a friend you'd have things to talk about because it hadn't already been seen on social media. You'd have pictures to show, or stories to tell. It feels like we have a lot of people we know, a little. I have 547 friends on Facebook. That's 547 people who already know most of what there is to know about me. The only thing left to share is the deep down stuff. But if I can't build a relationship by talking about the shallow things, I'll have a hard time opening up the deep things.
Another problem is that before we even get a chance to meet someone or hang out with them, or even if we've just met once or twice - we check out their Facebook page and determine who they are. We go and "stalk" them, scouring their page of the last 2 years to see what they like or do. We make judgements of whether or not we'd make good friends based on what they've put on the internet, and at the same time take away great opportunities for them to share about themselves and help us build those deeper relationships. One of my dearest friends and I have very few things in common. If you judged the two of us based on our Facebook pages you would find very little that matched in the way of interests and hobbies. Other than being moms that love Jesus, we're very different, but we love each other deeply. We encourage each other and lift one another up. Facebook might not have matched us, but years of spending time together did.
Facebook isn't terrible. It isn't bad. It was created to connect people, not keep them from connecting. But I wonder if sharing everything, all the time is hurting our connections more than helping them.
We kind of know a lot of people, but who do we really know?
Thoughts?
3.27.2015
3.25.2015
FULLY FUNDED and the joy of the Lord
The only reason I'm still up and blogging right now is because I told Z she had to go to sleep. Which means that I didn't rock her to sleep and lay her in bed and quietly sneak out for the first time in 2 (almost 3) years. She rolled over and pretended to go to sleep but my guess is that in about 15 minutes Crazy Legs (as I often times call her at night since those legs never seem to stop moving) will probably be up and wandering around soon. That gives me 15 minutes to shoot out our latest adoption update and a few other random thoughts that have been circling my mind lately.
Adoption News:
The biggest news of all is that our adoption is FULLY FUNDED!!!!!! Last year when we started this process we had full confidence that God was going to provide every single cent we needed for our adoption. Along the way he has provided everything we needed exactly when we needed it. But here at the end, it has seemed overwhelming to learn how to trust God and let go of our security net. Two weeks ago we purchased our airline tickets on our credit card. We had part of the funds to cover them, not all. Over the weekend we received a donation to cover our airline tickets and most of our travel expenses. Today we were able to cover our in-country expenses. God is never slow, he is always on time.
As we have gone through this process we have been met along the way by friends and family who have been so incredibly generous. Some of you with your time, some of you with your abilities, some of you with your finances. It has not ceased to amaze me in these past months just how much love we are surrounded by. We are not alone, we have a huge village supporting us.
Winter Jam concert is coming up on Sunday evening, and although we won't be going I love thinking about the role a Winter Jam concert played in our story. It was about 5 years ago that my husband went to a Winter Jam concert and came home with a sponsor child for our family. He said that he just knew it was what we were supposed to do. This concert introduced us to a great agency and our first sponsor child who has since graduated from sponsorship but who we think of and pray for often. The next child assigned to us was a little boy from China, because of his sponsorship our eyes were opened to Foster Care in China and also the possibility of adopting from China someday. Here we are, having planned our trip to China to go and pick up our little boy. He isn't the little boy we sponsored for awhile but he is a little boy living in a foster care family in China. As I was thinking about this I thought about his foster family and how much they mean to us. Then I wondered, is there a family sponsoring our son? So many people working together to care for our son. I am so grateful for all of them, pouring our their love on him.
It is strange to see how we grow and change and develop as we age. I know I'm not even close to nearing the end of this growing and changing... it will continue as long as I continue. Sometimes in the midst of all that is going on in our lives I have to remind myself to not be weighed down by all the responsibilities I have on me. The last few weeks have been more stressful than usual. It has seemed overwhelming at times. Our house has not stayed "together", and I have found myself dwelling on the frustrating and the overwhelming.
It has felt at times like the weight of years of loss and pain, and then having a second baby and post partum depression, and then heading into all that goes into preparing to adopt - at times I felt like I've lost my fun. I have a good friend who is always fun. The joy of the Lord is in her, and she lives a life of faithfulness to him. Even when she is overwhelmed or burdened, or sick, or in a difficult circumstance - she is joyful, encouraging, and full of life. I have thought, momentarily and at times, that if only she were still here (in Iowa) I would be fun again. But I have to remember where my joy comes from; not from a friend who clings to the promises of God. No, her joy and my joy have to come from God; from clinging to his promises myself.
I don't want to be old and crochety (you can be crochety at 30). I want to be full of life, vibrant, radiating Holy Spirit and him living in me.
Incredibly so, I have come to the end of this and our little Z is still in her own bed! After a week of fitful nights, I may be able to sleep all night tonight! Good night my friends, and may God bless you and give you joy.
Love,
Brie
Adoption News:
The biggest news of all is that our adoption is FULLY FUNDED!!!!!! Last year when we started this process we had full confidence that God was going to provide every single cent we needed for our adoption. Along the way he has provided everything we needed exactly when we needed it. But here at the end, it has seemed overwhelming to learn how to trust God and let go of our security net. Two weeks ago we purchased our airline tickets on our credit card. We had part of the funds to cover them, not all. Over the weekend we received a donation to cover our airline tickets and most of our travel expenses. Today we were able to cover our in-country expenses. God is never slow, he is always on time.
As we have gone through this process we have been met along the way by friends and family who have been so incredibly generous. Some of you with your time, some of you with your abilities, some of you with your finances. It has not ceased to amaze me in these past months just how much love we are surrounded by. We are not alone, we have a huge village supporting us.
Winter Jam concert is coming up on Sunday evening, and although we won't be going I love thinking about the role a Winter Jam concert played in our story. It was about 5 years ago that my husband went to a Winter Jam concert and came home with a sponsor child for our family. He said that he just knew it was what we were supposed to do. This concert introduced us to a great agency and our first sponsor child who has since graduated from sponsorship but who we think of and pray for often. The next child assigned to us was a little boy from China, because of his sponsorship our eyes were opened to Foster Care in China and also the possibility of adopting from China someday. Here we are, having planned our trip to China to go and pick up our little boy. He isn't the little boy we sponsored for awhile but he is a little boy living in a foster care family in China. As I was thinking about this I thought about his foster family and how much they mean to us. Then I wondered, is there a family sponsoring our son? So many people working together to care for our son. I am so grateful for all of them, pouring our their love on him.
It is strange to see how we grow and change and develop as we age. I know I'm not even close to nearing the end of this growing and changing... it will continue as long as I continue. Sometimes in the midst of all that is going on in our lives I have to remind myself to not be weighed down by all the responsibilities I have on me. The last few weeks have been more stressful than usual. It has seemed overwhelming at times. Our house has not stayed "together", and I have found myself dwelling on the frustrating and the overwhelming.
It has felt at times like the weight of years of loss and pain, and then having a second baby and post partum depression, and then heading into all that goes into preparing to adopt - at times I felt like I've lost my fun. I have a good friend who is always fun. The joy of the Lord is in her, and she lives a life of faithfulness to him. Even when she is overwhelmed or burdened, or sick, or in a difficult circumstance - she is joyful, encouraging, and full of life. I have thought, momentarily and at times, that if only she were still here (in Iowa) I would be fun again. But I have to remember where my joy comes from; not from a friend who clings to the promises of God. No, her joy and my joy have to come from God; from clinging to his promises myself.
I don't want to be old and crochety (you can be crochety at 30). I want to be full of life, vibrant, radiating Holy Spirit and him living in me.
Incredibly so, I have come to the end of this and our little Z is still in her own bed! After a week of fitful nights, I may be able to sleep all night tonight! Good night my friends, and may God bless you and give you joy.
Love,
Brie
3.12.2015
Travel Approval and Plane Tickets!
So it's here!
Our Travel Approval arrived via FedEx this morning! It happened like this. For some reason Zemirah insisted on being worn on my back while I made breakfast this morning. So I'm walking around the kitchen with a 35+lb toddler on my back and my hair pulled off to the side so she wouldn't play with it. But then she pulls the tiny hairs on my neck and it really hurts. I also happen to have a pimple on my neck and she kept telling me she didn't like it. So there was much chatter and pulling and ow-ing and Am walks into the kitchen and says "here mom." I look down and see this giant thing that looks like a graphing calculater and she's holding a pen. "What's This?" I say. "Where did you get this???" My mind is spinning as to how she would have gotten a hold of one of Aaron's graphing calculators from college. And she replies "The man at the door gave it to me. Supposed to sign it." "What?! THE MAN AT THE DOOR!?!?!" Realization dawns..."oooohhhhh! FedEx! You can't sign this!" She counters with "No, he said YOU have to sign it!" So a frazzled mom showed up at the door. I relayed the story while I quickly signed and it gave him a good laugh. Hopefully it made up for how much time he wasted by sitting at my door waiting for a 7 year old to come back with his signy thing.
Travel Approval is literally the LAST step to purchasing tickets to China! And we did that today also! We are so incredibly excited!
In my last post I mentioned how devastating it was to find out we would not be traveling in April. Strangely things have turned out that it is good we can't travel then. On Monday our damaged sewer line reminded us that it needs to be repaired, and it seems that repair will happen as soon as the ground is thawed, which may be in about 2 weeks. On Tuesday my darling husband was diagnosed with mono, it seems the poor guy has to get worse before he gets better. So, things are working out.
We didn't want to have to disrupt our lives for the sewer repair just after bringing Doron home, and we never could have predicted Aaron getting sick. We are thankful we have time to get our house in order and let Aaron heal before leaving for China.
We are still fundraising for our trip (Which may be more costly than we originally anticipated) so if you know anyone who might like to help us get to China, you can send them to our puzzle fundraiser on Facebook by clicking here! $10 sponsors 1 puzzle piece that will have your name or whatever you'd like written on the back. You are welcome to sponsor as many pieces as you'd like.
Our Travel Approval arrived via FedEx this morning! It happened like this. For some reason Zemirah insisted on being worn on my back while I made breakfast this morning. So I'm walking around the kitchen with a 35+lb toddler on my back and my hair pulled off to the side so she wouldn't play with it. But then she pulls the tiny hairs on my neck and it really hurts. I also happen to have a pimple on my neck and she kept telling me she didn't like it. So there was much chatter and pulling and ow-ing and Am walks into the kitchen and says "here mom." I look down and see this giant thing that looks like a graphing calculater and she's holding a pen. "What's This?" I say. "Where did you get this???" My mind is spinning as to how she would have gotten a hold of one of Aaron's graphing calculators from college. And she replies "The man at the door gave it to me. Supposed to sign it." "What?! THE MAN AT THE DOOR!?!?!" Realization dawns..."oooohhhhh! FedEx! You can't sign this!" She counters with "No, he said YOU have to sign it!" So a frazzled mom showed up at the door. I relayed the story while I quickly signed and it gave him a good laugh. Hopefully it made up for how much time he wasted by sitting at my door waiting for a 7 year old to come back with his signy thing.
Travel Approval is literally the LAST step to purchasing tickets to China! And we did that today also! We are so incredibly excited!
In my last post I mentioned how devastating it was to find out we would not be traveling in April. Strangely things have turned out that it is good we can't travel then. On Monday our damaged sewer line reminded us that it needs to be repaired, and it seems that repair will happen as soon as the ground is thawed, which may be in about 2 weeks. On Tuesday my darling husband was diagnosed with mono, it seems the poor guy has to get worse before he gets better. So, things are working out.
We didn't want to have to disrupt our lives for the sewer repair just after bringing Doron home, and we never could have predicted Aaron getting sick. We are thankful we have time to get our house in order and let Aaron heal before leaving for China.
We are still fundraising for our trip (Which may be more costly than we originally anticipated) so if you know anyone who might like to help us get to China, you can send them to our puzzle fundraiser on Facebook by clicking here! $10 sponsors 1 puzzle piece that will have your name or whatever you'd like written on the back. You are welcome to sponsor as many pieces as you'd like.
3.05.2015
Emotions, Dates, and Other Thoughts
I'd like you to know that this is likely to be the most scattered blog post I've ever written. There, you've been warned - read on at your own risk. (and for my grammar friends, please ignore my incorrect usage of commas... and other major errors. For some reason I never could grasp the whole comma thing)
It is rare that I get coffee, even more rare that I get one at 9pm, so this is likely to only exacerbate the problem of scatterdness.
I often joke, or possibly try to joke, that I don't have much emotion, but infact I think the truth is that I have more emotion than I know how to handle, so I hold my emotions at arms length. I feel them, inside, but it is hard to let them out. It is hard for me to show people how I am really feeling inside. I hope you don't think I mean that I am fake, I mean that sometimes I can't even understand or put into words all that I am feeling, or that my words seem painfully inadequate, or that I want to have tears and I can't seem to find them in me. I see people with emotion all around me and I feel it, I just have a hard time showing it.
*******
This week has been full of emotions (and it isn't even over yet!) Some of the emotions I can't even describe but it was a difficult week. When we began our adoption process our mind couldn't concieve bringing home a child within 18 months of starting the process. It just wasn't likely. In January after recieving our LOA it became a possibility (ever so slight) that we would be able to travel in March, but most likely in April. Because of circumstances beyond anyone's control - we found out on Tuesday that our trip is now pushed back to May. This news felt like a sucker punch. It fell on an already difficult day that was only matched by the ice storm that ripped through our area. Today we recieved our travel confirmation! The trip is set and scheduled and we will be leaving mid-May to bring home our son! The news hits me with two major emotions at the same time, frustration because it was supposed to be April, and excitement that our trip is confirmed. We're going in May! We are so incredibly excited! But oh how our arms ache to hold our little boy.
********
Early in our adoption process I sat at the table sorting out files and documents and a whole assortment of paperwork. I am not even sure if we had even decided we would adopt from China yet. I remember sitting across from Aaron and looking up and saying "We need an adoption doula." I was so overwhelmed, I didn't even know where to start.
As a Birth Doula one of my roles is to help expectant parents navigate through their pregnancy as well as their labor and delivery. I work prenatally with clients to practice tools for dealing with the pain of labor, I provide resources to help them make educated and informed decisions during pregnancy and labor, and we come up with a birth plan so they can be prepared for their labor and delivery and the questions that often come up. And as a childbirth educator I make sure my clients are educated on what happens during pregnancy, labor, and delivery. I help establish bonds with them so that the birth partner feels included as well. I give the birth partner important tools to help him feel involved in the pregnancy, labor and birth.
I often joke that I relate most things in life to childbirth - and it is so true. I actually saw the face of the laboring woman in the effort it took my husband to put together his basketball hoop. I'm nuts when it comes to childbirth. (Consequently, my husband now views much of life the same way too. I have apparently rubbed off on him. When we were hiking last fall I came out from a crevice between two rocks to have my husband say "that totally looks like a uterus and birth canal - let me take your picture coming out of it!".... I have ruined him for life). *If you are reading this for the first time just getting to know me, please don't think I am strange or that I will talk to you about uterus' or show you pictures of babies being born... I mean, I totally would if we were in class together, but I restrain myself for the general public* - also, I am very tired right now, so my filter is pretty much gone.
Back to my original thought process -
I have been thinking lately about how this adoption process has felt like the longest pregnancy of my life. How our agency has been our doula, the CCCWA our care provider, and China our hospital. While in a pregnancy you can choose your care provider (and in some respects so have we), we took great great care in choosing our doula. We researched, we asked questions, we asked more questions, we hired one and fired one (in a nice way), and we found one we love.
I am so thankful for our agency, they have held our hand and walked us through this process in such an incredible way. Just like in pregnancy, they can't make all of our decisions for us. They can't do all the hard work (although to be honest, they do a lot more hard work for us than a doula can for her childbirth clients...). But they have been our advocate. They have provided resources and information. Help when we needed it. They are amazing.
******
In following with the theme of equating our adoption process to pregnancy, labor and birth...
In pregnancy you are given a due date, and your baby is born somewhere around that due date. You get your hopes up and excited and your due date comes and more often than not, baby doesn't. Moms are frustrated, they're tired, they have these crazy hormones racing through their body as their body prepares to labor and the waiting is just so hard. Your expectations were set. You thought baby was coming.
That's kind of how I feel right now. I knew baby coming early (March) wasn't likely - but I held out a glimmer of hope. I knew baby coming on time (April) was probable - but I kept a corner of my heart protected in case I was wrong. And today we got the official news, baby is coming late (May), very late in my opinion. My heart desperately wanted March or April.
The difference though, and this is what makes it the hardest. When you're pregnant and waiting for baby, you're still holding your baby. My arms are empty while we wait. And that makes me very sad. Each day he is away is one more day that he grows and his face changes, his personality changes, and we're missing it.
I look at Z and I can see how every day she changes a little bit more and what am I missing? I know that he is loved and cared for, but I miss him.
******
A few posts back (which might be awhile since I haven't been able to post much lately) I throughout the question of why we would adopt when we can't afford it.
It was a hard question to ask because I feel like it deserves an answer. A few people responded quite encouragingly to us, reminding us of the call God put on our hearts and our lives to adopt.
And I can't find an answer better than that one. Years ago, before I ever knew that having babies would be difficult for us, my heart was drawn to adoption. Before I ever met Aaron, I wanted it to be apart of my story. When Aaron and I were married we always bounced around the idea of adopting a child or children someday. We didn't even at that time understand what that would look like, or mean, we just knew we wanted to. Amazing how God can use a little "want to".
I feel the answer to the question is as simple as that. We know that God has already provided all that we need to bring home our son. We just haven't seen it yet. When he opened our eyes and our hearts to be willing, he provided.
Why are we adopting when we aren't incredibly wealthy people? Because we want to. Because God called us to. Because our hearts are forever attached to a little boy desperate for a forever family. We are his family. That's the answer.
Will we adopt again? I don't know. It is hard to think of anything past bringing home Doron right now. It is hard for us to have any idea what God has for us, because none of our journey has been what we would have pictured it to be.
My greatest fear is that people will think we chose adoption because having biological children is too difficult for us. No, that's not it. There are days and moments where I might have felt that that was it - that adoption was easier than experiencing loss over and over again - but deep down, that is not the reason we chose to adopt.
We have chosen adoption because this is what God called us to do. This is his heart, and he has made it ours too.
******
I went to see The Dropbox movie tonight. I was gripped throughout the whole film. I felt like I couldn't move, my heart just overwhelmed. In it was a woman that I admire. It took me by surprise really, I didn't know she would be in the movie. Last summer I opened a letter and in it was a picture of this woman holding a little boy, and my heart did a little flip flop. I looked up and a woman in her mid-60's rode past me on a bicycle. And I thought 'who am I going to be when I'm that age?' I was holding in my hand a photo of a woman who has given her life to help the orphans, and saw before me the image of what I thought I wanted for my retired life; to ride my bike through my small town, to worry about my garden, my friends, and my grandchildren. There is nothing wrong with that idea, but what I really want is to be making a difference in the lives of children who have no one else.
God has given me such a gift with Amariss, Zemirah, and Doron. I cannnot imagine not sharing the love he has given with so many more children.
*****
If you stuck through this post until the end, wow, you amaze me. I wanted to split it up into more than one post, but I am fairly certain (based on my track record) it's going to be awhile before I can put another post together. Maybe I'll surprise myself, but I haven't been very consistent.
As you can see I have a lot of emotion running through me right now. And so much more that I just can't share right now.
Thank you for praying for our family, for being a part of our journey.
God bless,
Brie
It is rare that I get coffee, even more rare that I get one at 9pm, so this is likely to only exacerbate the problem of scatterdness.
I often joke, or possibly try to joke, that I don't have much emotion, but infact I think the truth is that I have more emotion than I know how to handle, so I hold my emotions at arms length. I feel them, inside, but it is hard to let them out. It is hard for me to show people how I am really feeling inside. I hope you don't think I mean that I am fake, I mean that sometimes I can't even understand or put into words all that I am feeling, or that my words seem painfully inadequate, or that I want to have tears and I can't seem to find them in me. I see people with emotion all around me and I feel it, I just have a hard time showing it.
*******
This week has been full of emotions (and it isn't even over yet!) Some of the emotions I can't even describe but it was a difficult week. When we began our adoption process our mind couldn't concieve bringing home a child within 18 months of starting the process. It just wasn't likely. In January after recieving our LOA it became a possibility (ever so slight) that we would be able to travel in March, but most likely in April. Because of circumstances beyond anyone's control - we found out on Tuesday that our trip is now pushed back to May. This news felt like a sucker punch. It fell on an already difficult day that was only matched by the ice storm that ripped through our area. Today we recieved our travel confirmation! The trip is set and scheduled and we will be leaving mid-May to bring home our son! The news hits me with two major emotions at the same time, frustration because it was supposed to be April, and excitement that our trip is confirmed. We're going in May! We are so incredibly excited! But oh how our arms ache to hold our little boy.
********
Early in our adoption process I sat at the table sorting out files and documents and a whole assortment of paperwork. I am not even sure if we had even decided we would adopt from China yet. I remember sitting across from Aaron and looking up and saying "We need an adoption doula." I was so overwhelmed, I didn't even know where to start.
As a Birth Doula one of my roles is to help expectant parents navigate through their pregnancy as well as their labor and delivery. I work prenatally with clients to practice tools for dealing with the pain of labor, I provide resources to help them make educated and informed decisions during pregnancy and labor, and we come up with a birth plan so they can be prepared for their labor and delivery and the questions that often come up. And as a childbirth educator I make sure my clients are educated on what happens during pregnancy, labor, and delivery. I help establish bonds with them so that the birth partner feels included as well. I give the birth partner important tools to help him feel involved in the pregnancy, labor and birth.
I often joke that I relate most things in life to childbirth - and it is so true. I actually saw the face of the laboring woman in the effort it took my husband to put together his basketball hoop. I'm nuts when it comes to childbirth. (Consequently, my husband now views much of life the same way too. I have apparently rubbed off on him. When we were hiking last fall I came out from a crevice between two rocks to have my husband say "that totally looks like a uterus and birth canal - let me take your picture coming out of it!".... I have ruined him for life). *If you are reading this for the first time just getting to know me, please don't think I am strange or that I will talk to you about uterus' or show you pictures of babies being born... I mean, I totally would if we were in class together, but I restrain myself for the general public* - also, I am very tired right now, so my filter is pretty much gone.
Back to my original thought process -
I have been thinking lately about how this adoption process has felt like the longest pregnancy of my life. How our agency has been our doula, the CCCWA our care provider, and China our hospital. While in a pregnancy you can choose your care provider (and in some respects so have we), we took great great care in choosing our doula. We researched, we asked questions, we asked more questions, we hired one and fired one (in a nice way), and we found one we love.
I am so thankful for our agency, they have held our hand and walked us through this process in such an incredible way. Just like in pregnancy, they can't make all of our decisions for us. They can't do all the hard work (although to be honest, they do a lot more hard work for us than a doula can for her childbirth clients...). But they have been our advocate. They have provided resources and information. Help when we needed it. They are amazing.
******
In following with the theme of equating our adoption process to pregnancy, labor and birth...
In pregnancy you are given a due date, and your baby is born somewhere around that due date. You get your hopes up and excited and your due date comes and more often than not, baby doesn't. Moms are frustrated, they're tired, they have these crazy hormones racing through their body as their body prepares to labor and the waiting is just so hard. Your expectations were set. You thought baby was coming.
That's kind of how I feel right now. I knew baby coming early (March) wasn't likely - but I held out a glimmer of hope. I knew baby coming on time (April) was probable - but I kept a corner of my heart protected in case I was wrong. And today we got the official news, baby is coming late (May), very late in my opinion. My heart desperately wanted March or April.
The difference though, and this is what makes it the hardest. When you're pregnant and waiting for baby, you're still holding your baby. My arms are empty while we wait. And that makes me very sad. Each day he is away is one more day that he grows and his face changes, his personality changes, and we're missing it.
I look at Z and I can see how every day she changes a little bit more and what am I missing? I know that he is loved and cared for, but I miss him.
******
A few posts back (which might be awhile since I haven't been able to post much lately) I throughout the question of why we would adopt when we can't afford it.
It was a hard question to ask because I feel like it deserves an answer. A few people responded quite encouragingly to us, reminding us of the call God put on our hearts and our lives to adopt.
And I can't find an answer better than that one. Years ago, before I ever knew that having babies would be difficult for us, my heart was drawn to adoption. Before I ever met Aaron, I wanted it to be apart of my story. When Aaron and I were married we always bounced around the idea of adopting a child or children someday. We didn't even at that time understand what that would look like, or mean, we just knew we wanted to. Amazing how God can use a little "want to".
I feel the answer to the question is as simple as that. We know that God has already provided all that we need to bring home our son. We just haven't seen it yet. When he opened our eyes and our hearts to be willing, he provided.
Why are we adopting when we aren't incredibly wealthy people? Because we want to. Because God called us to. Because our hearts are forever attached to a little boy desperate for a forever family. We are his family. That's the answer.
Will we adopt again? I don't know. It is hard to think of anything past bringing home Doron right now. It is hard for us to have any idea what God has for us, because none of our journey has been what we would have pictured it to be.
My greatest fear is that people will think we chose adoption because having biological children is too difficult for us. No, that's not it. There are days and moments where I might have felt that that was it - that adoption was easier than experiencing loss over and over again - but deep down, that is not the reason we chose to adopt.
We have chosen adoption because this is what God called us to do. This is his heart, and he has made it ours too.
******
I went to see The Dropbox movie tonight. I was gripped throughout the whole film. I felt like I couldn't move, my heart just overwhelmed. In it was a woman that I admire. It took me by surprise really, I didn't know she would be in the movie. Last summer I opened a letter and in it was a picture of this woman holding a little boy, and my heart did a little flip flop. I looked up and a woman in her mid-60's rode past me on a bicycle. And I thought 'who am I going to be when I'm that age?' I was holding in my hand a photo of a woman who has given her life to help the orphans, and saw before me the image of what I thought I wanted for my retired life; to ride my bike through my small town, to worry about my garden, my friends, and my grandchildren. There is nothing wrong with that idea, but what I really want is to be making a difference in the lives of children who have no one else.
God has given me such a gift with Amariss, Zemirah, and Doron. I cannnot imagine not sharing the love he has given with so many more children.
*****
If you stuck through this post until the end, wow, you amaze me. I wanted to split it up into more than one post, but I am fairly certain (based on my track record) it's going to be awhile before I can put another post together. Maybe I'll surprise myself, but I haven't been very consistent.
As you can see I have a lot of emotion running through me right now. And so much more that I just can't share right now.
Thank you for praying for our family, for being a part of our journey.
God bless,
Brie
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)