The stress of this pregnancy really weighs on me. In some ways I want to stay busy and forget about it, but in others I'm afraid being busy will only bring on more cramps and more bleeding. So, I sit and I wait - and I go to the bathroom - and I sit and wait some more...
I've had a lot more bleeding today and my mind keeps wondering, will it be tonight? this weekend? or will this just drag out for awhile? will there be a heartbeat at my appointment on Thursday? if not, then what? if so, do I just continue like this - waiting?
Yesterday was so perfect, hardly any spotting at all, hardly any cramping and today, wham. If I didn't know better I'd think I'd gotten my period... again. It's all so un-spectacular.
People keep making comments about the baby's gender, that maybe this one will be a boy. I keep telling my husband that if this baby comes out in November - I don't care what it is! I'll just be happy we got to have it!
I'm sure many of you can relate. I've never enjoyed a first trimester, they were always stressful atleast until 8 weeks, then I would let my guard down and breathe a little easier. But this one, wow, I've never felt so shaken and unsure. There is a whole new meaning and level to leaning on God that I am desperately trying to learn. And oh, it is so very hard.
I keep reminding myself that whatever the outcome of this situation God is still good.
We will survive, God is good.
Baby or no baby, God is good.
God is good.
God is good.
God is good.
I can only imagine the stress. I didn't have any bleeding and I still needed the daily reassurance of the doppler. Let's be honest, I still do. I am feeling movement and all it takes is a long few hours without movement and I need a quick listen. I hope Thursday comes very very quickly!! Praying for you!
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