Hope in the midst of Infertility Part 2

Wow.  Today's broadcast brought tears to my eyes.  Please listen here.

I think the quote that struck me the most was by Marlo Schalesky, speaking from her heart and speaking truth... this is so often exactly, exactly how I feel....

Dr. Juli: How did it make you view motherhood, or even the child that you had, as you were going through infertility?

Marlo: In some ways you're more thankful and you don't want to miss anything from the one you have because you know how hard it is... and yet the conflict of knowing you need to appreciate the one but longing for the second one creates this strange sort of pain and tension inside that I found difficult to manage.  At first it was like "We just want a kid!" you know, and then we had the first one, I wasn't prepared to know how to deal with it again.  To know what to do when I want to appreciate the one and long for the next.  And that was something that... it took those years and I never really came to the point where it was like "oh this is easy" and "I'm okay with this."  It was always a struggle.  Why am I here?

The second half of that broadcast really centered in on secondary infertility, although I would love to hear more. It is so often overlooked.  Many, many people have told me to be thankful for the child I do have - yet the desire is still there, it doesn't go away. 

My daughter had a difficult time going down for her nap this afternoon.  All of the fun in the sun this morning made her overtired.  To help her sleep I lay down with her and just let her relax into me.  I peeled myself away (and I mean that literally, its pretty hot in here and we were stuck together) after my own little 20 min. power nap.  Its true that I do not want to miss a single moment of my daughters life.  If she's all I get I never want to forget the softness of her skin, her sweet scent, or the sound of her breathing; a thousand pictures could not capture her beauty.  But each day she grows a little more independant, a little smarter, and a lot taller.  I can't keep her three forever, nor was I able to keep her one or will I be able to keep her four.  She must grow up.  I am determined, however, to not take for granted a single moment of this journey.  Whether or not another one comes along, I will treasure each and every moment of my daughter's life.