I'm not a fan of grief, personally, I think its messy. There is no rhyme or reason to it, it rarely looks the same from person to person or situation to situation, and it rears its ugly head at inopportune or unfortuanate moments. You never know who is going to be the next victim of your grief.
In our years of dealing with miscarriage, which has been at the top of my list of hardest things to deal with, I have damaged friendships, developed bad habits and addictions, said things I later really regretted, and opened my own eyes to the ugliness of my own pain.
One thing I have learned over the years is that grief must be dealt with because if you ignore it, it will probably deal with itself. Maybe "dealt with" isn't the best phrase. Grief must be felt. No matter how you choose to feel it, you have to feel it.
With our first miscarriage we made a memory box, we put in it cards and pictures - letters we wrote to the baby, and the first onesie I bought it and a stuffed bear. We did the same for our next 3 miscarriages. We now have 4 boxes... unfortuanately the last 2 miscarriages I just haven't bought the box. At the time I just didn't want to deal with it - and now, it seems a little late. We also have 3 ornaments on our Christmas tree for our first 3 babies, however - our last 3 don't have ornaments. We just haven't yet found the perfect ones.
Everyone chooses a different way to grieve, everyone picks something that will help them remember, or help them cope.
One thing I do know, it that whether or not you grieve - you will never forget your babies. They are a part of you and never leave your heart. Whether you did alot, or nothing at all - our babies are special, and they're always with us.
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