so much to do...

I have so much to do in the next 5 weeks. 

Really.  I'm not just saying that. 

I would put up my goal list, but you'd see how much hasn't gotten done and then laugh at me.  But really, I have a lot to do. 

I'm in the midst of reading 4 different books.  One on birth, one on breastfeeding, one on attachment parenting - and then crazy enough - a friend of mine talked me into reading Hunger Games... which is way interesting.  And frankly, is holding my attention better than the other three.  Which kind of stinks because in a few weeks I will give birth, begin breastfeeding, and living out another form of attachment parenting and will probably not be watching any 12 - 18 year olds sacrifice themselves for the sake of a crazy government... but who knows, this book may come in handy someday.

The other thing I want to do - that is a little insane - is not on my to do list... although I think I might add it just so I have something to cross off. 

Scrubbrush the shower.  Hard core - scrub the shower...  just talking about it makes me excited.  and when I finish that I want to do the kitchen and bathroom floor.  I mop. sure, yah, I mop...  I clean the shower, yah - I do that....but I want to SCRUB it... 

I think I'm going to have to go do that right now...  for real, and then maybe eat a piece of dark chocolate. 

oh pregnancy, how you baffle me.

Changes are a coming....

My due date is just 5 weeks away, possibly... could be 4, I'm not exactly sure and need to talk to my midwife about that.  I'm pulling for 5 though, I've got a lot to do.

Anyway, there are are about 10 times out of each day that I'm some how reminded that I'm pregnant.  Whether it be some crazy acrobats in the belly, or strange spasms in my lower belly, or just by chance catching my reflection as I walk past a mirror - it always seems to catch me off guard.  And then I say it... again... to my husband "I can't believe we're having another baby."  and a big smile spreads across both of our faces.  Followed by the realization that this big day keeps getting closer and closer... and I keep putting things off for next week...  then I get a little nervous. 

I look back at pregnancy pictures from Am and in the background the crib is set up, the packed bags on the floor... and I'm pretty sure I'm about 28 weeks pregnant in those pics.  I'm 35 weeks now, I could go into labor in 2 weeks and it wouldn't really matter... and I haven't packed a bag, haven't really even thought about packing a bag...  I kind of think I might do that while I'm actually in labor, something to distract me.  I think I'll set the baby's bed up while I'm in early labor too. 

On another note.  We have a 4 year old, who is quickly developing this whole attitude "I'm cool - what if I say 'no' thing"  its kind of annoying.  Like yesterday when I told her to do something and she looked me straight in the eye, put her hands on her hips, stuck out her foot, cocked her head to the side and said "no." - it took me off guard really.  No??  what happened to this kid? 

So today, she was helping daddy and I move the filing cabinet... mostly daddy, I just moved a couple of light drawers.  Anyway, she was in charge of opening and closing the door for us.  However, in between left plenty of play time in an unplanted muddy flower bed...  and the thought came to my head "Every parent plans their day perfectly - and then the 4 yr old finds mud." 

Okay, end of stories - goodnight peeps.   

Not what I thought it would be....

PAIL Post

When I first started out on this parenting journey, just like many newbies, I had a lot of grand ideas of how awesome I was going to be (cue laughter)... 

I quickly, and I mean quickly, learned just how little I know about parenting, and even - dare I say - judgemental I had been towards other parents (ouch!). 

I thought Attachment Parenters (AP) were crazy, and I had several friends who used Babywise and I totally disagreed with a lot of it.  So, I didn't know which school of thought to follow. 

What I found out though, was that God equips us exactly as we need to be equiped.  Oh, I make mistakes, a lot of them, daily - but my daughter knows the truth about Jesus, she is full of love, and quick to share, and that strong-will she was blessed with? - its still there, and being shaped for God's purposes. 

Some of the things that make me the craziest about my daughter and parenting, are not wrong at all - they're just different than me.  Where I am introverted, my daughter knows no stranger... (seriously, we have the stranger talk all the time).  Where I am quiet, my daughter is boisterous.  Where I want to fit in, my daughter just wants to be herself.  *If you know my husband, you know where my daughter has inherited all of these, oh so wonderful traits.*

Sometimes, its not a matter of changing those traits in her, its a matter of changing those traits in me.  We've taught her to love, and love she does! 

And parenting?  It is HARD WORK.  This kid is no angel, just like the rest of them.  She tests the boundaries and makes me wonder if I really knew what I was getting into.  No, I didn't. 

I didn't know what it would feel like to get up in the middle of the night, 3 times - because she's thirsty, hungry, or has to pee.  (When they're 4 and you're pregnant, you have a lot less patience for these shenanigans.) 

I didn't know what it would be like to still have to give a consequence to the most adorable little face I've ever seen, that's crying becuase I looked at her sternly. 

I didn't know how much I would love this kid. 

And that love only grows every. single. day.

So parenting philosophy?

I lean more towards Attachment Parenting and I still disagree with Babywise.

But just like anything, I don't follow that perfectly either :)


*On that strong-willed child though - If you have one, I can tell you right now.  One of the BEST books out there is You Can't Make Me, But I Can Be Pursuaded by Cynthia Tobias. 

Go buy it.  now.  for real.  It will change your life and the way you parent.  It made a world of difference in our home and our daughter was just turning 4 when I read it.  I wish I'd read it when she was 2 though! 

  

the musings of my 4 yr old...

this post is going to be totally random, but I just want to save for posterity's sake some of the things my 4 year old is up to lately. 

#1 She is very literal.  Example: 

Me: Amariss look up at the sky so I can brush your teeth.
Am: Mama, are we outside?
Me: No, we're inside.
Am: Then why did you say look up at the sky? You should have said "ceiling"!

And that continues with just about everytime I say "look up at the sky" or "look down at the ground"

#2 She has taken great pride in her ability to feed the dog.

Example A:

(Dog scratches at water bowl)
Am (while playing with friend): Excuse me Leah, I have to get Ninja some water

Example B:

(Dog scratches at food bowl during dinner)
Am: Mom, may I please be excused to get Ninja some food?


#3 She can pump her legs to go incredibly high on the swing.  Kind of makes me nervous

#4 She dresses herself regularly.  Always choosing a skirt which must be visible lest people not recognize her.

And there are several others I can't remember.  I'm sure I will just as soon as I post this!

and 32 weeks??

I had an appointment with my midwife today, who just so happens to be one of my favorite people.  Stepfoot (the name our daughter has affectionately given baby) was sleeping so her hearttones were reflective of her lazy morning.  It was still nice to hear her beating heart though :)

My midwife, probably one of the world's best grandma's, was enthralling to my 4 year old who was so excited to get to help measure the baby in mommy's tummy.  Am so gently pulled out the table, helped lay me back, and watched intently while I was measured. 

and then my midwife said "You're measuring right on at 32 weeks!" 

and I thought..."what?!  I thought I was only 31 weeks??"  oy ve.  This date just got closer, and my house is not any closer to being ready. 

but you know what?  I don't really care! 

HOLY COW I could meet this baby is 8 weeks!!!  I remember a time when I just had to survive the next 8 weeks! and now... 

Now... I might get to meet this baby in 8 weeks!!! 

oh my gosh.  I'm. so. excited. 

Back to the Breast

PAIL post

This week is busy, to say the least.  Not physically busy, just alot of big items on my to-do list.  I'm having a baby in 8-12 weeks and if I think too much about it I start to have anxiety.  There are just a few too many things to be accomplished in 8-12 weeks...

There are a few things though that bring me alot of peace about what happens after the next 10 weeks are over.  One of those things is breastfeeding. 

I haven't breastfed a child in almost 3 1/2 years, when I think about that its rather sad.  Bfing Am was one of the most incredible experiences of my life.  My daughter and I are extremely close, not in a needy type of way, but bonded - differently that she is to her father or grandma's.  Her bond with me is special, and I attribute a lot of that to our breastfeeding experience. 

I have an outgoing child, which she recieved the full measure of from her dad.  As much as I love one-on-one relationships, and having friends; meeting people, introducing myself, and being the center of attention are not my cup of tea.  My daughter, on the other hand, is very willing to introduce herself to the other children at the park, and has no qualms about finding herself in a new setting - she has always jumped right in. 

And that's where I think breastfeeding bonded us.  When it comes to people relationships, we're very different and she could find herself as different as black and white to me.  But we're close, very close and I know it stems from those moments when we would snuggle up together and it seemed as if the whole world shut down and it was just us.  She could run wild, free, and crazy - but when it came time to eat - we would turn off the rest of the world and I would hold her little hand, count her little toes, look into those beautiful blue eyes that so strongly resemble my own and it was just us. 

Breastfeeding ended early for us at 10 months as it does for a lot of mothers with people loving children.  I wish now that I would have made more of an effort to continue, realizing that later she might wish for that relationship to continue.  But I let my poor nutrition and her activity win and I quickly lost my milk supply. 

I know that my moments spent with my little one snuggled on my skin, suckling my breast were not in any way wasted.  Even if all the research and data in the world showed that there were not nutritional difference between breastmilk and formula, I wouldn't give up those moments. 

That is what I look forward to most about this next baby.  I can't wait to foster an irreplaceable bond.  I worry about where my older daughter will fit into the mix of her sister and I growing together.  I pray that she does not separate herself from me because of it. 

Something tells me though, that many of our breastfeeding moments will include a very happy 4 1/2 year old snuggling up beside us, holding her sister's hand, counting her sister's toes, and discovering along with me all the things I discovered about her. 

Here's to a refreshing summer.

getting her in her own bed....

I took a nap with in my bed with my 4 year old this afternoon, and then after waking and playing, hours later put her in her own bed for bed time. 

As I touched her super soft cheek and brushed hair away from her eyes I remembered a time when I couldn't nap with her because it would make bedtime a nightmare.  I remember a time when bedtime was just a nightmare, naptime too for that matter.  Those days when I would have to sit by her bed for what felt like hours and just keep putting her back in.  And a few days where I just had to give up becuase I couldn't take it anymore. 

During that time I would consol myself by saying "when she's six she'll go to bed no problem"  "we won't still be doing this when she's six" 

I gave myself a few extra years just incase we were still doing that when she was four...  but here we are, with our big girl four year old (who's always asking me how long till she turns 5...) and she can sleep in my bed for a nap and transition to her own bed for bedtime just fine. 

She sleeps great!  Whether it be taking a nap alone, together, in my bed, in hers...  whether it be bedtime at 7:00pm because she didn't have a nap or 8:30 because she did...  sleeping is no longer a problem for this kid.

And I love it.

And it just reminds me of something one of my cousins told me before I had her "this too shall pass". 

It did.  We survived, she survived, and she's a pretty amazing kid.