It's hard to believe where we were just a year ago. The weather was certainly nicer than it has been, but the weather isn't really what's on my mind. It was a year ago that I woke up early in the morning to cramping in a regular pattern. The cramps became more and more intense: paralyzed by pain, my mind couldn't comprehend what was really happening, while my husband prayed for a miracle.
Isaiah, we met you too soon. You're not just a number in a line-up of recurrent miscarriages for us. You're a God-given reminder of life given and life taken away. You put life to the lives of those like you that have been lost. You put a face and a name to children whose faces and names have not yet been seen or heard.
We have survived, although I wasn't sure I could. We have recovered, but will never forget.
As we move on to the next phase and stage of our lives, we see reminders of you everywhere we go. Spring brings blossoms of bleeding hearts just over where your body rests. A small statue will be placed outside soon, to mark where we laid our eyes upon you one last time. Oh little boy, you were wanted. You were cherished. We live full, happy lives here, but yearn for the days when we are a complete family; when in heaven there are no more tears, no more sadness; where we see all of our children, completely whole.
It is hard to believe, with where we are now, that it has only been one year since we felt so much pain. It was so difficult for me to imagine being the same again. It was difficult for me to imagine not saying your name every day. Darling, I still think of you, nearly every day. I still miss you, nearly every day. My days and life are full, but you are still missing.
I am happy, I am joyful, but I will never not miss having you in my life.
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| 11 weeks gestation |
Thank you for sharing your hearts so transparently, youuplift me and many more I'm sure. Thank you thank you thank you, I needed to see your courage and strength today. This sunday, May 4th my Erica would have been 23 years old. I still see her beauty and feel the love I have for her every day. While I carry her with me always I do selfishly still wonder about all the what ifs a loss like this brings. So even after all these years my heart can ache, but your love for you amazing son shown in your testimony here brings me a peace I find difficult to feel this time of year, so thank you.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Kathy. I don't have words to express how your loss must feel. I know that although we move on, and we find peace, joy and hope through Jesus Christ, as mothers we never forget our children, those who have lived with us and those who were born into heaven. Praying that you will be comforted this week. Be blessed.
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