Yah, its been awhile since I posted, probably because I foolishly signed my 4 yr old up for swim lessons that started when my baby was 2 weeks old.  Yah, that was a lot to handle. 

Anyway, I have written out my birth story but am still reading through it to fix details I missed and sentences that don't make any sense.

But I wanted to share a moment of my mommy madness.  Last night was a rough night for the baby.  She has reflux and thus it is difficult for her to sleep because her tummy doesn't feel so good.  After a couple of feedings that led to staying up awhile I was drained.  Seriously.  And my husband has work today so I let him sleep, plus his back was bothering him so he can't really hold the baby and walk around anyway. 

Any way, As I rocked the baby and then walked, then rocked, then sat on the bed rocking... I started talking - in my head - to the other mom.  The one out there in this world with a baby with reflux doing the exact same thing as I was at that moment.  For some reason just knowing that another mom was out there, totally exhausted and wondering what she could possibly do to get her baby to go to sleep - I felt very connected at that moment.  Like I wasn't alone.  The other mom was out there and she was tired too. 

Alright, that's all for now, I need to take a few minutes to finish up some things and spend some time with my 4 year old.

I promise as soon as I've finished proofing the birth story I will post it! 

Zemirah Hope

I gave birth to a healthy, beautiful 6 lb 6 oz, 19 1/4 in. girl on Monday, May 21 at 11:27 am.  An absolutely amazing experience, we are doing very well and are home!

Her name - Zemirah - (pronounced Zem-eer-uh) means "Song of Joy" and her middle name - Hope - is a constant reminder of God and the supernatural hope he delivered to us during some of our darkest days. 

We are truly truly blessed.  I will post her birth story and pictures soon!

Thank You!

Almost there...

I just read my last blog post, which talked about 5 weeks left in this pregnancy.  Somehow time got away from me and here I am... less than 1 week left until my estimated due date.  It's doubtful that baby will arrive on the due date - maybe sooner, maybe later - really who knows at this point. 

But WOW!  I really am having a baby in just a few days...  eek..  and that to-do list is still far from completed. 

so much to do...

I have so much to do in the next 5 weeks. 

Really.  I'm not just saying that. 

I would put up my goal list, but you'd see how much hasn't gotten done and then laugh at me.  But really, I have a lot to do. 

I'm in the midst of reading 4 different books.  One on birth, one on breastfeeding, one on attachment parenting - and then crazy enough - a friend of mine talked me into reading Hunger Games... which is way interesting.  And frankly, is holding my attention better than the other three.  Which kind of stinks because in a few weeks I will give birth, begin breastfeeding, and living out another form of attachment parenting and will probably not be watching any 12 - 18 year olds sacrifice themselves for the sake of a crazy government... but who knows, this book may come in handy someday.

The other thing I want to do - that is a little insane - is not on my to do list... although I think I might add it just so I have something to cross off. 

Scrubbrush the shower.  Hard core - scrub the shower...  just talking about it makes me excited.  and when I finish that I want to do the kitchen and bathroom floor.  I mop. sure, yah, I mop...  I clean the shower, yah - I do that....but I want to SCRUB it... 

I think I'm going to have to go do that right now...  for real, and then maybe eat a piece of dark chocolate. 

oh pregnancy, how you baffle me.

Changes are a coming....

My due date is just 5 weeks away, possibly... could be 4, I'm not exactly sure and need to talk to my midwife about that.  I'm pulling for 5 though, I've got a lot to do.

Anyway, there are are about 10 times out of each day that I'm some how reminded that I'm pregnant.  Whether it be some crazy acrobats in the belly, or strange spasms in my lower belly, or just by chance catching my reflection as I walk past a mirror - it always seems to catch me off guard.  And then I say it... again... to my husband "I can't believe we're having another baby."  and a big smile spreads across both of our faces.  Followed by the realization that this big day keeps getting closer and closer... and I keep putting things off for next week...  then I get a little nervous. 

I look back at pregnancy pictures from Am and in the background the crib is set up, the packed bags on the floor... and I'm pretty sure I'm about 28 weeks pregnant in those pics.  I'm 35 weeks now, I could go into labor in 2 weeks and it wouldn't really matter... and I haven't packed a bag, haven't really even thought about packing a bag...  I kind of think I might do that while I'm actually in labor, something to distract me.  I think I'll set the baby's bed up while I'm in early labor too. 

On another note.  We have a 4 year old, who is quickly developing this whole attitude "I'm cool - what if I say 'no' thing"  its kind of annoying.  Like yesterday when I told her to do something and she looked me straight in the eye, put her hands on her hips, stuck out her foot, cocked her head to the side and said "no." - it took me off guard really.  No??  what happened to this kid? 

So today, she was helping daddy and I move the filing cabinet... mostly daddy, I just moved a couple of light drawers.  Anyway, she was in charge of opening and closing the door for us.  However, in between left plenty of play time in an unplanted muddy flower bed...  and the thought came to my head "Every parent plans their day perfectly - and then the 4 yr old finds mud." 

Okay, end of stories - goodnight peeps.   

Not what I thought it would be....

PAIL Post

When I first started out on this parenting journey, just like many newbies, I had a lot of grand ideas of how awesome I was going to be (cue laughter)... 

I quickly, and I mean quickly, learned just how little I know about parenting, and even - dare I say - judgemental I had been towards other parents (ouch!). 

I thought Attachment Parenters (AP) were crazy, and I had several friends who used Babywise and I totally disagreed with a lot of it.  So, I didn't know which school of thought to follow. 

What I found out though, was that God equips us exactly as we need to be equiped.  Oh, I make mistakes, a lot of them, daily - but my daughter knows the truth about Jesus, she is full of love, and quick to share, and that strong-will she was blessed with? - its still there, and being shaped for God's purposes. 

Some of the things that make me the craziest about my daughter and parenting, are not wrong at all - they're just different than me.  Where I am introverted, my daughter knows no stranger... (seriously, we have the stranger talk all the time).  Where I am quiet, my daughter is boisterous.  Where I want to fit in, my daughter just wants to be herself.  *If you know my husband, you know where my daughter has inherited all of these, oh so wonderful traits.*

Sometimes, its not a matter of changing those traits in her, its a matter of changing those traits in me.  We've taught her to love, and love she does! 

And parenting?  It is HARD WORK.  This kid is no angel, just like the rest of them.  She tests the boundaries and makes me wonder if I really knew what I was getting into.  No, I didn't. 

I didn't know what it would feel like to get up in the middle of the night, 3 times - because she's thirsty, hungry, or has to pee.  (When they're 4 and you're pregnant, you have a lot less patience for these shenanigans.) 

I didn't know what it would be like to still have to give a consequence to the most adorable little face I've ever seen, that's crying becuase I looked at her sternly. 

I didn't know how much I would love this kid. 

And that love only grows every. single. day.

So parenting philosophy?

I lean more towards Attachment Parenting and I still disagree with Babywise.

But just like anything, I don't follow that perfectly either :)


*On that strong-willed child though - If you have one, I can tell you right now.  One of the BEST books out there is You Can't Make Me, But I Can Be Pursuaded by Cynthia Tobias. 

Go buy it.  now.  for real.  It will change your life and the way you parent.  It made a world of difference in our home and our daughter was just turning 4 when I read it.  I wish I'd read it when she was 2 though! 

  

the musings of my 4 yr old...

this post is going to be totally random, but I just want to save for posterity's sake some of the things my 4 year old is up to lately. 

#1 She is very literal.  Example: 

Me: Amariss look up at the sky so I can brush your teeth.
Am: Mama, are we outside?
Me: No, we're inside.
Am: Then why did you say look up at the sky? You should have said "ceiling"!

And that continues with just about everytime I say "look up at the sky" or "look down at the ground"

#2 She has taken great pride in her ability to feed the dog.

Example A:

(Dog scratches at water bowl)
Am (while playing with friend): Excuse me Leah, I have to get Ninja some water

Example B:

(Dog scratches at food bowl during dinner)
Am: Mom, may I please be excused to get Ninja some food?


#3 She can pump her legs to go incredibly high on the swing.  Kind of makes me nervous

#4 She dresses herself regularly.  Always choosing a skirt which must be visible lest people not recognize her.

And there are several others I can't remember.  I'm sure I will just as soon as I post this!