The only reason I'm still up and blogging right now is because I told Z she had to go to sleep. Which means that I didn't rock her to sleep and lay her in bed and quietly sneak out for the first time in 2 (almost 3) years. She rolled over and pretended to go to sleep but my guess is that in about 15 minutes Crazy Legs (as I often times call her at night since those legs never seem to stop moving) will probably be up and wandering around soon. That gives me 15 minutes to shoot out our latest adoption update and a few other random thoughts that have been circling my mind lately.
Adoption News:
The biggest news of all is that our adoption is FULLY FUNDED!!!!!! Last year when we started this process we had full confidence that God was going to provide every single cent we needed for our adoption. Along the way he has provided everything we needed exactly when we needed it. But here at the end, it has seemed overwhelming to learn how to trust God and let go of our security net. Two weeks ago we purchased our airline tickets on our credit card. We had part of the funds to cover them, not all. Over the weekend we received a donation to cover our airline tickets and most of our travel expenses. Today we were able to cover our in-country expenses. God is never slow, he is always on time.
As we have gone through this process we have been met along the way by friends and family who have been so incredibly generous. Some of you with your time, some of you with your abilities, some of you with your finances. It has not ceased to amaze me in these past months just how much love we are surrounded by. We are not alone, we have a huge village supporting us.
Winter Jam concert is coming up on Sunday evening, and although we won't be going I love thinking about the role a Winter Jam concert played in our story. It was about 5 years ago that my husband went to a Winter Jam concert and came home with a sponsor child for our family. He said that he just knew it was what we were supposed to do. This concert introduced us to a great agency and our first sponsor child who has since graduated from sponsorship but who we think of and pray for often. The next child assigned to us was a little boy from China, because of his sponsorship our eyes were opened to Foster Care in China and also the possibility of adopting from China someday. Here we are, having planned our trip to China to go and pick up our little boy. He isn't the little boy we sponsored for awhile but he is a little boy living in a foster care family in China. As I was thinking about this I thought about his foster family and how much they mean to us. Then I wondered, is there a family sponsoring our son? So many people working together to care for our son. I am so grateful for all of them, pouring our their love on him.
It is strange to see how we grow and change and develop as we age. I know I'm not even close to nearing the end of this growing and changing... it will continue as long as I continue. Sometimes in the midst of all that is going on in our lives I have to remind myself to not be weighed down by all the responsibilities I have on me. The last few weeks have been more stressful than usual. It has seemed overwhelming at times. Our house has not stayed "together", and I have found myself dwelling on the frustrating and the overwhelming.
It has felt at times like the weight of years of loss and pain, and then having a second baby and post partum depression, and then heading into all that goes into preparing to adopt - at times I felt like I've lost my fun. I have a good friend who is always fun. The joy of the Lord is in her, and she lives a life of faithfulness to him. Even when she is overwhelmed or burdened, or sick, or in a difficult circumstance - she is joyful, encouraging, and full of life. I have thought, momentarily and at times, that if only she were still here (in Iowa) I would be fun again. But I have to remember where my joy comes from; not from a friend who clings to the promises of God. No, her joy and my joy have to come from God; from clinging to his promises myself.
I don't want to be old and crochety (you can be crochety at 30). I want to be full of life, vibrant, radiating Holy Spirit and him living in me.
Incredibly so, I have come to the end of this and our little Z is still in her own bed! After a week of fitful nights, I may be able to sleep all night tonight! Good night my friends, and may God bless you and give you joy.
Love,
Brie
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