Training days...

The song above is Oceans by Hillsong United.

I can't help but feel like this is where we are right now, where we have been so many times before.  I wish I could say that I have answers right now, but I don't.  Aaron and I both had our blood drawn a little over two weeks ago and we're playing the waiting game with the lab.

I'm not a good wait-er.

So far, we know one thing.  We will adopt.  The logistics haven't been figured out though.

I want to add before I go on that I read an awesome article today about adoption.  So to clear up any misunderstandings, we are choosing to adopt because we want to adopt!  This isn't our last resort, this isn't a "have to" decision.  We always knew that we would adopt, even before we started having children, we just didn't know when, where, or how.  Now we know, this is the time.  The where and how are still coming together.

At this - the first stage - we are still making a lot of decisions.  We have a lot of adoption options ahead of us and we are praying for guidance.

Would you please pray with us?  We need lots of guidance!  There are so many decisions to make and we know that we will be taking those first steps soon.

I'm learning to trust, more and more, throughout this process.  It seems that lately we only know the next step and at many times we don't entirely know what the next step looks like - we just know we have to take it.

I was reading in Jeremiah yesterday and this verse really spoke to me:

Jeremiah 12:5 

"If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses?  If you stumble in safe country, how will you manage in the thickets by the Jordan?"

It just reminded me that all of this, all we've been through up to this point - everything - it's training us.  Someday our lives will be even more confusing.  There may be a point when we are making even more decisions and having to rely even more on God for direction.  This point in our lives is not the end, there is more.  This is training.

When I look ahead and think "There's MORE?!" I feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and even a little defeated.  But when I look back and see what God has brought us through, how we have grown, changed, developed - I'm encouraged.  He's growing me!  This is hard, but He is growing me - and I'll be better equipped to handle more and different!

We are also beginning to raise funds for our adoption.  We are hosting our first Kellett Family Adoption Garage Sale on October 12!  If you have any items you would like to donate (and you know us personally)  or would just like to shop and support our adoption we would love to have you come by!

You can email me for details or follow me on facebook for details.  (Again, if you know us personally)

Choosing Joy

This morning started out rough.  Actually, no - it didn't.  It started out great!  Tiny slept all night long, which is pretty rare, so I woke up well rested and ready for the day.

But then I lost track of time, and made an unfortunate discovery.  I had made a mistake a few months ago, that I didn't find out about until this morning and it ended up costing us money.  I really hate it when I make mistakes, especially financial ones.  So to say I was in a sour mood would be true.

We were on our way to Noodle's ballet class this morning and all I could think was "What else could happen today?  This day is just going to stink!"

Then I gently reminded myself to choose joy.  It wasn't an easy choice.  I kept reminding myself of all my failures and ways that I was pretty sure I wouldn't measure up today. But I prayed, I hashed it out with Jesus a bit - not wanting to choose joy, more or less forcing myself into it.

 To be honest, I didn't measure up today, I rarely do.

But I decided that at the end of this day, I would choose joy.  I wouldn't sit around and think about how terrible I did at being a great mom, or how my house doesn't look any better than it did when we started the day (and actually it probably looks worse), or that school wasn't as organized as I thought, or that we ended up eating leftovers instead of making a real dinner.

Truth is, today wasn't a stellar day for me and tomorrow probably won't be either.

But I've got joy.  I see love in my children's faces and I delight in their laughter and voices.  I kept calm when my patience was tested today, I let my daughter throw herself on the piles of laundry on the couch, and tried not to think about what I should really be doing with that laundry...

We did school; with jewels that my daughter wanted to use for a craft.  We'll eat dinner; not what was planned and we will enjoy this evening and enjoy each other.

Some days do not go like you plan them to, but that is okay.  At the end of the day I chose joy.  I messed up.  I made mistakes.

But there is a new day coming and today I'm not going to beat myself up over my shortcomings.

Any of you have days when you have to choose to be joyful?

The Men In My Life

A few days ago a good friend of mine posted a campaign on Facebook to uplift the good men in our lives.  I haven't yet updated any of my status's to reflect how much I support her campaign.  I thought about doing so, but I just have so many things to say that I thought I'd compile it into a blog post instead.




The first man I ever met was my Dad.  He is an incredible guy, and if you've met him - you know exactly what I'm saying.  Hard worker to the core, loves Jesus with everything in him and cares deeply about the people in his life.  This year he and my mom celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary, and he is more in love with her every day and it is evident to everyone around him.  He is helpful to his neighbors and friends and loves to encourage people.  My dad never yelled at us but was firm and raised us diligently to love God and honor him.  He is an incredible man. I could go on for hours.





The next men I met in my life and truly love are my older brothers.  And of course when I met them they were just 5 and 3 but my mom tells me often the things they used to say over me.  The first story I hear often is when I was just a baby laying in my crib and my brothers leaned over and asked mom "When do we get to play with her?"  and another story about my brothers saying "We'll have to pray that she grows up to ask Jesus into her heart."  I have incredible older brothers.  They were very protective over me growing up and although we were siblings and had our moments they were brief and our house was full of much love.  These guys have grown up to be husbands who love their wives and it is evident when you meet them.  I'm sure they are more fiercely protective over their wives and children than they were over me.  I love spending time with them and being around them because they are loving and kind and hard workers.  Just like my dad.






And then there is my husband - He is amazing.  I truly got the cream of the crop with this one.  I have a husband who loves God with all that is within him and loves his family.  He cares about the spiritual health of our family and will pray with me every morning before leaving for work, even when I'm sleeping and don't realize he did (he sometimes tells me the funny things I say during these non-awake times).  He works hard to come home and spend time with us, because being with his family is what he enjoys most.  He is respected and liked by his coworkers and everyone who has met him loves him.  He is always joyful and always loving.  He thinks the best of people and does not judge them.  He makes me feel taken care of, loved, appreciated and valued.  He sees our children as the precious gifts that they are and he strives to raise them in a way that honors God.  My husband puts others needs above his own and when he tells you he will pray for you, he will, passionately.  He is genuine and honest (seriously, he will not tell a lie or cheat at any game.) He is a blessing to those around him chooses not to over commit so that he can diligently follow through on his commitments.  He takes his job as the leader of our home very seriously, and ensures that all the members of his home are taken care of and loved.  We are truly blessed to have this man.




There are so many other characteristics I could say about these men in my life, but this short summary will have to do for now.  I am so thankful for the unique role they have played in my life and for the blessing I have been given to have a loving father, brothers, and husband.  I do not take these gifts for granted.

I love you guys!

Waiting

Years ago, before I ever met my husband, I was a young high school graduate weeks away from starting my first day of college.  I was all of the emotions you are supposed to feel heading off to school, but I was also a little bit disappointed: I was 18 years old and I had never had a boyfriend.

I know, tragedy.  It clearly was not the end of the world, and I knew God had all things working out in the end, but I couldn't help but wonder how this was going to work with my plan.  I had told my mom earlier that summer that my plan was to date someone for two years and then get married, in between my sophomore and junior year of college.  (Why this was my master plan, I'm not entirely sure.)  My mom chuckled and suggested I "find somebody quick, since I would be getting married in two years."

I was walking through the small corridor of the office I had worked at my junior and senior year of high school, I was just thinking. There wasn't a whole lot of chitchat in this office (surprisingly,since it was an office of all women) everyone was always working on what they were doing - and my job - well, it was rather brainless, so I thought a lot.  This one particular afternoon, I was thinking about all the crushes I'd had over the years and had even daydreamed about marrying the cute guy that worked at the assessors office whom I had never talked to.  I was walking between rows of file cabinets and my desk, and I heard it - "Wait for the Lord."  It was completely clear to me, as though a voice literally spoke it.  And I was done.  I was done pining over guys I'd seen, I was done daydreaming about who I'd marry - I was even okay with not getting married.  I literally stopped in my tracks grabbed a piece of yellow note paper and a pencil and wrote it down and stuck it in my pocket.  When I got home, I nailed it to my bulletin board.

It was done, I was done.

That was my first experience with "waiting for the Lord" - and, I was particularly blessed with God understanding how very little patience I have when it was just 3 days later that I received a phone call from a friend asking me to come over a for an impromptu party, and it was there that I met the man who would become my best friend and later my husband.  (I'm happy to say, that I did get married when I would have been in between my sophomore and junior year of college, had I continued on that far...)

My next experience with "waiting for the Lord" came a few years later.  Our church had a Wednesday morning prayer time and my good friend and I would go and pray for about an hour.  For a few weeks while I was praying I felt compelled to memorize Psalm 27. The final verse (v 14) says:

"Wait for the Lord;

be strong and take heart

and wait for the Lord."

I relied on this verse for years.  I clung to these verses when my husband and I disagreed on when was the right time to have a baby.  I clung to these verses when we experienced miscarriage after miscarriage after miscarriage and I didn't know when we would be able to have a baby. I've quoted this verse over and over to myself throughout the years.  

And now - years later, it is still ringing true.  

Last night when our worship time was finished our pastor began reading Psalm 27.  At the time, I didn't realize it; I knew the verses were familiar but couldn't quite place them, and then  just a few verses in it hit me - I know this chapter!  And I knew what was coming - "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."  

Waiting, I'm still not very good at it.  A day of waiting feels like an eternity but I know it will soon be over.  I know that while I want to wish away waiting, I don't want to wish away life so I am learning, so slowly it seems, to wait patiently for the Lord.  

Wait. Wait. Wait.  

The last few weeks have felt like they are just dragging; two steps forward, one step back.  An email that gets my hopes up, and then knowing its not what we are supposed to do.  Insurance calls, doctors office calls and visits, all working up to one test - and then more waiting.  Results - that will bring more waiting.  

Waiting, waiting, waiting.  

It reminds me of the line in the Dr. Suess book Oh, the Places You'll Go. 

 "The Waiting Place ... for people just waiting."  

It goes on to say:

"NO! That's not for you!  

Somehow you'll escape all that waiting and staying.  

You'll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing."

I feel like, that's where we are right now - the Waiting Place - but it is exactly where we are supposed to be.  

All this waiting, its doing something in us, it is growing us, preparing us, changing us for who we are going to be - for where we are going to be.  We are headed into a new stage of our lives, with new and different adventures.  T

hings will not be easier, but they will be different.

And right now, right here - this waiting place - this is the only place that I feel confident is where God has us for now.  I hope we don't hang out here for long, but if we do - we know that it is all in preparation for something greater. 

  

I changed our web address!

If you hadn't noticed ;) I changed our web address, and hopefully in the coming months I'll change up some other things around this place!  Hopefully I will be able to post a few more PAIL blog posts and generally keep things better updated.

This blog will no longer be about all things pregnancy/miscarriage, it will now encompass all things about our family that we want to blog about!

I will also be using nicknames for our daughters from here on out!  So don't be surprised to see Noodle and Tiny as names frequented on our blog!

Looking forward to meeting more of you!!